Thursday, September 28, 2006

My Last Drunk

Totally Wasted
I went out last night with thedailygrowlerhousepianist and I shouldn't have, but I am a musician and I have many musician friends and one was playing over in the East Village last night and thehousepianist didn't really want to go but I insisted, so we went. It wasn't a problem until after the gig. thehousepianist was pissed off by the gig so we took a woman friend in tow and we hit the bars, ending up at my local Irish pub drinking shots of Jameson's whiskey and then every now and then shots of Sambuco the friendly and very good bartender laid on us for free. I don't remember leaving the joint, which isn't a problem, that has happened to me alot in the past, but when I woke up this morning...whew-babba...I found I had knocked my great Toshiba laptop off my loft bed and it lay dead as a damn doorknob on the floor when I came down this morning. So now I'm left with my old Toshiba Satellite Pro, which is a charming old wonderfully working machine, but not as fancy and nice as the one I knocked off the loft bed to its death seven feet below.

I took the drunkard's oath: "I swear I will never drink again, so help me __fill in the blank__."
There's a six-pack of cold Heinekens in my fridge but I'm resisting. It's a newborn growlingwolf. An alcohol-free one. Yeah sure. You believe that and you also believe G.W. Bush is our greatest president.

And our great "president" (we've got him for life, by the way--he's gonna name himself "Chancellor" soon, you watch) is also the source of some bad news that makes my old growling head pound more than the alcohol does. Congress overwhelmingly approved Bush's right to round up whomever he pleases, throw them in the hoosegow and let 'em rot there, since a part of the bill this bunch of asshole rascals passed does away with the Writ of Habeas Corpus (Slick Willie Clinton tried to do away with it, too, if you recall), which means once Bush brands you a "terrerist" and you're thrown in his hoosegow, you don't even have the right to know what you're charged with; you have no rights at all since the Writ of Habeas Corpus means that you have to produce a smoking gun or a body in order to convict someone of a crime. Bush now has the power to convict you of a crime simply because he says you're a "terrerist." You get it? That's despicable. The whole Congress should be IMPEACHED along with this asshole who is determined to bring this country to ruin, and with the help of his butt-F-ing Congress, he's going to more than succeed. He's gonna put us all in the fucking poorhouse, except there will be no poorhouse because he's cut the funds for poorhouses in favor of the rich houses, of which there are plenty. So, now, my fellow Amuricans, you better get rich or you're dead.

How to Get Rich Quick
As The Daily Growler investment advisor, I will give you three ways to get rich:

Invest all you money in the following stocks:

Pfizer Pharmaceuticals
Exxon-M0bil (except be careful here since for some strange reason gas prices are dropping
like lead in water)

Hey, why shouldn't we all get rich off this Iraq War our "president" has set up for us. As he says, "You gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps, travellers, to exist in my Kingdom."

Unless you're born a prince or a princess, you are definitely sailing in a sinking boat.

for The Daily Growler

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