Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Vile Contains the Word Evil Which Is Live Backwards

Wednesday Night Confessionals
A distant friend of mine down in a town south of here went to a close-out sale and bid on and won a box containing a couple'a thousand porn DVDs--the stock of a folded video store. He says he can make a small fortune selling them on eBay. He already owns a storage bin full of toasters that have no cords--one day, he says, he'll find a gross of toaster cords and again he'll make a small infinitum. He was so excited he dropped by my apartment the other night with some samples of his porn DVD collection. He left one behind. Told me to review it and write up a description of it and he'll use it on his eBay listing and pay me as they sell.

The one he left behind was titled 10 Hrs. of Good Dirty Fun. 10 hours! It said "40 top starlets who do it all" and the starlets included, Nadia Naughty, Lisa Marie Easily, Boney Maroni, Kelly Clitoritti, Donna Go Downs, Kimberly Keister, et al. 10 hours!

I was feeling sort of daring so I put Disc 1 in the DVD player. The FBI Warning was first and then there followed 5 hours of unabashed F-ing, one after the other, following the similar routine, the kissing, feeling up, and undressing; then comes the preliminaries, the cunnilingus and felatio--A, B, C, D, etc., by the letter, by the book--then finally, the true action begins. I watched the first couple go the whole way. She was very pretty and truly was built like the proverbial brick outhouse--"She's a, she's mighty mighty, lettin' it all hang out...." He was one of those dudes. Tatoos. Gangster looking no matter race or color. The woman was really good looking; he was mostly genitalia and, Praise the Lard, ready, willing, and able, and that he did. A long spread out whammmmm, bammmmmm, thank you, Mam. Finally, in some sort of lower-than-grade-B acting, the man started jerking his head back and forth, face raised, mouth open and yowling fiercely that his arrival time was approaching and the sweet looking woman's yawn was ready, willing, and upturned in anticipation of receiving from him his liquid appreciation. After this couple, again the woman was very well built and surprisingly innocent looking, very young looking and the man was over-tattooed, rather highway-bound looking but up for the challenge, got to part C, I got bored. I chaptered on up through the rest of the 5 hours--again the same, good looking young girl and tattooed, escapee-looking dude went through another set of A, B, C, D routines.

I must be off. We men are supposed to really really dig watching good looking young girls getting shagged, banged, frigged, plugged, ploughed, double-row ploughed, reamed, rimmed, slammed, humped, jumped, rumped...Glorioski, Zero! it was more than this man could bear. We used to call them XXX-rated film; this 10-hour one was ZZZ-rated. D.H. Lawrence was right, the sex act is a silly looking sight. I'd rather be performing it than gandering at it--especially 10 hours of it. Well, I could see a 15-year-old going bonkers watching every second of all 10 hours.

I emailed my friend that I wasn't the right guy to write descriptions of these films for his eBay listings.

for The Daily Growler

Goodbye, Dewey Redman
He was 72 years old. Just died a couple of days ago. The Daily Growler staff went to the Randy Weston Birthday Bash Saturday night a week ago and one of Randy's guests was Dewey Redman. He had to be helped on stage and up to where the horns were sitting. If he had a solo to take, an assistant would come over and help him get to his feet so he could solo. Once, they forgot to sit him down and he stood for two full tunes without any solos and then finally they set him down only to have to pick him back up again for a featured solo. Those of us in the crowd asked about whether he was playing OK or not. We all reached the conclusion he was playing the way he had always played; a little weird, yeah, but.... But, hell, that had to be the last time Dewey Redman gigged--we heard his farewell. Seems ashame to see all these music legends just slowly fading off the planet.

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