Sealing Oneself Up in One's Self

Writhing in Writing
I went out Wednesday evening, thedailygrowlerhousepianist calls it a "monthly quorum" where he and I and a man I used to know as Manfred P. Mann--and he is a Mann, too, and not a Maus--meet at an Uptown Manhattan Irish joint and throw down Harp ales until we're talking loudly and being very flirty with the Irish lady bartender, a beauty of an Erin lass she is, too, until we excused ourselves and went to MPM's abode and polished off some of his expensive Holland gin.

I got home after midnight and I lay there and I tried to erase all my thoughts. I was missing a certain someone. Swoooosh! Erased. I was worried about being depressed when I woke up. Swoooosh! Erased. I became totally blank. And, soon, just as Paul Bowles's mother promised him when he was a kid worrying about life, that totally blankness lulled me into lullaby land where I dreamed I was a character in a blue painting hanging in a famous museum and people were constantly filing past me glaring at me, some coming up to me and getting right up their noses almost brushing my brush strokes and I was hollering madly back at them, you know, I was hollering for help; it was one of those dreams where you're pinned down and want to move, want to run, want to escape your bogged-down situation but that's the saga of the whole dream, escape is possible but impossible at the same time.

And I woke up around 9 later that morning and I was still a blank.

I didn't become aware of my self and my reality until I was drinking my coffee and I didn't even recall going out to the Islamic coffeeman's cart and getting the coffee--but when things started appearing within the blank space, filling it in again, it was due to the familiarity I had with the coffee, going and getting it the same old way every morning for the past 12 years.

I thought about doing my The Daily Growler growling but I had no way of thinking about writing--I was still sort of hung up in that blue painting--I hope it was a Picasso Blue Period, though I did seem to be rather realistic in the painting, though that might have been a figment of my impressionistic imagination--I could have been so abstract perhaps those filers by didn't even know I was a human representation, though surely even in the abstract, even in the Picassoan abstract, surely I still looked like I do now.

After the day had flown out to the middle of the sunny ocean of the afternoon, I automatically jotted down, "Our eyes are so hung up on our ignorant views we continue to refuse to recognize reality--to recognize that we are animals with the extraordinary ability to make a paradise out of this planet--but NO, we continue to deny reality and rely on fables and the false realities they lie to us about--we continue to savagely take the sweetest elements of the earth's make up--it's forests and streams, it's oceans and ice caps, it's tenderest of fish, it's precious fruits, it's lush vegetation, it's offering of curative medicines in the hearts of its rain forests and jungles--instead of nurturing these elements we are determined to destroy them--to use the earth's most miraculous offerings to openly wrecklessly destroy our only paradise! It's like we are continuously killing our mothers and fathers...."

And then I wrote, "All homo sapiens are Simians--the fathers of uncivilized ('evolution of culture') creatures are mean--hell, the father's of civilized creatures are mean, too. Why fathers in some mammalian cultures eat their young out of just plain jealousy--especially they eat their sons--the sons instinctually are a threat to the harem-coveting father's rule--the sons might grow up to whip the old man's ass and get to seed his harem--a devastating blow to a dominant patriarch. A lot of monkeys, however, live in matriarchal societies, and in those societies, the mother's are never mean--isn't that interesting."

Remember, Freud believed WAR was a way to stop EVOLUTION.

It is quite frightening to listen to these Fundamentalist Christian assholes that just flood peasant teevee with their Holier-Than-Thou flim-flamming--selling videos (VHS) for $35 a piece; selling books they print themselves for $35. All tax-free monies, too, baby. These assholes sit there in their own teevee production studios and brag about owning Learjets and having airports--I heard one of the scarier ones the other day bragging about how he was sitting in his hangar office at his airport--wow! I thought Jesus chose a jackass as his way of getting around, that or he walked.

These powder-puff-puffed-up-looking jackoffs can hypnotize Yahoos and simple folk and idiots into truly believing that they actually converse with a huge Big Daddy out in outerspace somewhere, cock and bull stories, sermons that jump all over the place from the rantings of the Apostle "I Prefer Boys" Paul all the way back to the raunchy Psalms of the raunchiest Judean king ever, King David, the boy shepherd, the harp-playing shepherd, the simple shepherd who took his slingshot and a flat stone and hit Goliath, a contemporary rassler of the day, right between the eyes and save the Chillin' of Israel from being eaten by a "GIANT." What's a giant to a small Jewish man? A guy 6 feet tall might look like a giant to a little 5 foot Jewish dude. OK, say David were 6 feet tall himself! So that Chinese dude who plays for the Houston Rockets, he's like 7 foot four--wouldn't he look like a GI'NT to even a tall Jewish guy?--of all my Jewish friends--nope, not one of them is even 6 foot tall.

What's a giant?

You see the way my life is slanting these days? Con-Ed is drilling just out my windows somewhere down in the streets. Jackhammers. Jackhammers have been noisy sons of bitches since I was a kid. They've never learned to whisper them.

Our Little Billionaire Crooked Mayor in Hot Water; Cancels His Presidential Run
Our little billionaire mayor was feeling so full of himself--he got his "congestion pricing" so he was in the city countinghouse counting all the millions he was going to rake off his charging the poor to now drive into the rich man's city--though he is not going to charge taxis and limos--aha, what the rich come to the city in. I mean it's a stupid plan--why not just ban trucks and cabs and shit on some streets, auto traffic only--hell, Norman Mailer figured it out when he ran for mayor of New York City back in the good ole days--Jimmy Breslin was his running mate. Mailer suggested, like Frank Lloyd Wright suggested in his planned city (Broadmoor (sic)), we build traffic centers, garages, at the end of the tunnels and bridges where you could park your car and then get on a monorail system that would carry you to any part of the city you wished to go.

But trouble came for the little man billionaire when a fire suddenly broke out in the Deutsche Bank Building--the Nazis...oops, I'm sorry, I still remember the Deutsche Bank from World War II, Hitler's favorite bank--also a favorite bank of George W. Bush's traitorous grandpappy, Prescott. Yeah, he helped Hitler in WWII--WEV.

Come to find out, We the People of New York City bought that piece of shit building for 90 million dollars. You think we got screwed? The building has to be demolished. The cost to demolished this piece of shit building (they still used asbestos in buildings when the Nazi...oops, there I go again, the Deutsche Bank was built) was originally 130 million bucks! But, now, due to cost overruns, it's up near 200 million. That means that WE the People of New York City have paid so far 290 million dollars for a worthless building--an eyesore even before 9/11, same as the WTC was an architectual eyesore in spite of what you're taught in New York City Propaganda 101.

Plus, turns out, the little billionaire mayor and his crony rich bastard on the city council, Peter Valone, a filthy rich developer made his claim to fame by destroying affordable housing on the East Side and putting up hi-rise luxury buildings, jobbed the demolition out to a company of rather dubious reputation and it seems a large hirer of illegal immigrants, Mexicans, Peruvians, Chileans, Ecuadorans, El Salvadorans, Guatamalans, and Hondurans, up here doing construction work all over NYC--who are those guys pointing those bricks on your building?--they all speak Spanish, that I guarantee you.

The little billionaire is currently "out of sight," dodging reporters, and just as the city assured us that there was no air contamination from the horrible fire--it killed two NYFD dudes--we know they were under the Christy Todd Whitman "the air is perfectly safe" syndrome--you know, this is a lie they all have to tell after a major contamination fuck-up like this Deutsche Bank bullshit. Who owned the Deutsche Bank in the first place? I guarantee you a lot of fat cats here and in Germany made millions off this boondoggle. That building condemned should have been demolished by the Feds--they are responsible for 9/11--yes, not me, not my fellow New York Citians, but the god-damn Federal Government whose armed forces are supposed to guard our borders and protect us from such aggravating bullshit attacks--but no, we blew it at Pearl Harbor--and we got WWII out of it--we blew it in Nam--we lost that WAR, dammit, now Bush is whining the same old song all involved in that little crooked WAR (it was for oil, too; did you know that? Check out the Michael Rockerfeller story sometimes--it might interest you to know Michael was a geologists and was in Indo-China looking for oil--later he moved over into Papau New Guinea, still looking for oil, and he was eaten by cannibals, or at least that's the martyrdom story given out by the Rockefeller Family, a family of liars, especially Michael's father, Nelson, was a lyin' dog--he's the reason we had that tacky World Trade Center in the first place--Rockefellers think big when they're building monuments to themselves).

Ah sweet revenge. See, it all comes back around on these lying fools who are leading us to CHAOS and therefore DOOM (spelled backwards it's "Mood" and the mood I'm in is dooming).

thedoominggrowlingwolf
for The Daily Growler

NOTE: The State of Texas successfully lynched Johnny Conner night afore last. Three more going to be lynched this week, including Kenneth Foster, the black man who sat in his car 80 feet away from where a passenger in his car killed a man and thereby under Texas law he's guilty of murder, too, and the State of Texas is going to murder him for his sins. Praise the Lard and pass me some of them pig jowls. Johnny Conner was the 400th black man (whoops, some of those were white, not many, but some of them) killed by the State of Texas. No pardons coming, that we guarantee. No clemency in the heart of any Texas governor. Hell, Georgie Porgie W. Bush killed 157. Think of the raw human power in being able to kill other human beings "legally" in capital punishment and in WAR!!!

Johnny Conner's sister who witnessed his "getting juiced with salt water" said she didn't see how the MEN who inject these poor bastards and sit there smiling justifiably as it takes sometimes 15 minutes for the poor buggers to finally give up their sorry lives and die live with themselves after they get home. Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, they're eatin' pig jowls and sippin' Jim Beam braggin' to their kids how they off'd another guiltier-than-Hell N-worder last night and how they're gonna knock off 3 more this week. Praise the Lard and Amurican justice!!