Friday, June 09, 2006


With the Latest Death of al-Zarqawi, "Mission Finally Accomplished" in Iraq
A Daily Growler embedded reporter [name is being held for security reasons] in Iraq sent the following telegram this morning to The Daily Growler outhouse office on the banks of the Suwanee River: "The streets of Baghdad are berift with cacophonous yodellings and yowlings and ululations only 'these people' understand, though we all know what all of this means: Victory alas in Iraq. Is that correct? Rummy [Donnie Rumfull] made an appearence this morning wearing his official Department of Defense tasteful polyester jacket--only the head of our mighty defenses can wear one of these Made-in-China special jackets, so we know he's serious when he wears that--and he cautiously declared that to him it's a great day to be alive because finally the head of all al-Qaeda operations throughout the world, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, like the great Chalabi, a Jordanian gentleman, who has been around, out by the oilfields mostly, since the beginning of the US's noble invasion, is DEAD. This time for real, and well you may ask about the reality of this reported death since this is about the 4th time this Sunni 'Shia snake' killer has been killed. Maybe even more; we can't remember that far back. Well, at least, they have a photo of a very ugly dead face they're showing around as proof it is al-Zarqawi who was blown to bits by a US Air Force attack, evidently his body was blown to bits that is, yes, ruined beyond recognition but not the head and face, both left whole and totally unmarked by the Air Force bomb that so mangled his body. It was peculiar to this reporter that the site of the big victory was yes a bombed out bunch of deserty looking stone dwellings; yet, there were no signs of furniture or clothes or garbage, just a rubble of these weird adobe-looking stones and one rather wimpy looking hole in the ground they said was where the bomb hit. Oh well, victories in Iraq are hard to find so we'll make the best of this one. Yes, Donnie Rumfull was cautious. He said though this is a big blow to al-Qaeda forces around the world and to the insurgents in Iraq it probably didn't really mean that much in terms of freedom's triumphant march into all areas of Iraq, especially the oil fields. It didn't mean that anything has really changed in our little War on Terrorism. Why, I even heard in 2003 before the war, Rummy himself kinda told the "boys" to go easy on al-Zarqawi, you know, give him some safe havens, etc. Sound suspicious? But still, in the streets of Baghdad today...well, let's see two car bombs went off last night killing a few innocent bystanders here and there, one bomb killing Iraqis in an evening market--I saw over and over one film clip of a little Iraqi boy wearing one of those huge white bandages all war hospitals seem to have tons of as though he'd suffered a head injury. They didn't report what had hit him--well, for that matter, they didn't even report who the kid was or actually where he was from or where were his parents or even why his head was bandaged; they just showed the film clip of him over and over on every channel. This kid got his fifteen minutes of fame, right Andy? So far, I haven't seen any showerings of rose petals toward US troops. Whoops, there goes another car bomb. Looks like another normal day here in Baghdad. al-Zarqawi is dead...but no one seems to give a shit. Really. I wouldn't kid ya, I'm a crack reporter. Whoa, I'm gettin' the hell outta here, that truck filled with 10 tons of Canadian fertilizer driven by a Canadian teen-ager is headin' right toward me. Whoa, General, let me in your Humvee, old buddy." A Special Frontlines Report for The Daily Growler by one Sympathy Sid [not his/her real name] somewhere in Iraq.

Didn't sound like much of a victory to us. Al-Zarqawi's been dead before and there was no triumphant-trumpeting then either. Like Sympathy Sid, after watching the morning teevee reports, you'd a thought the war was over overthere and that Rummy Rumfull and Georgie Porgie, our "president," were up to share the Nobel Peace Prize this year for sure; certainly they'll give each other Medals of Honor--maybe in a private ceremony in Georgie Porgie's wifeless White House bedroom. [Remember, Pickles lives in the Mayflower Hotel now.]

In the meantime, Bin Laden was reported having a great day. After his dialysis session, he was wheeled out to do a little tiger hunting with Prince Bandar Bush and some Pakistani leaders. He was in a jokey mood and after some vigorous hunting, while Camel cigarettes were being passed out by White House lobbyists and the Gunga Dins were pouring some Folger's coffee, Bin cracked a joke as he quipped while lighting up a Camel, "In US of A, you say 'woman fucks, Camel sucks'; in my country we say the opposite, "women suck, the Camel she fuck.'" This joke is a big success as a joke especially with the Pakistani leaders who laughed their fat asses off as they chowed down on tiger meatballs in a special curry-tiger-colon-juice gravy, cooked by Bin Laden's personal chef, Baksheesh Puck.

World Cup Begins
The World Cup has begun. The Daily Growler watched Germany beat Costa Rica 2-1, from Berlin. Odd seeing a sports championship being held in Berlin, where once Hitler enjoyed the Olympics. Germany didn't look that great; of course, they were without their star. Germany dominated the game but Costa Rica could have won just as easily as they lost; Germany was excellent with plays but they couldn't score; only enough to win. Currently the Europeans on our staff are fighting with the Latinos, as Ecuador is leading Poland 1-0. We're watching the game on the Mexican channel on our hotshot digital teevee. The commentadores are saying Brasil is favorite to win the whole thing. We've not seen Brasil play yet, but we've seen Mexico on several occasions though we don't see them advancing much further than the quarterfinals. It's fun, it's coming to ya from Berlin, and listen to it in Spanish and it'll warm your sports solar plexus. It will keep us sporty Growlers entertained 'til the Yankees or Mets games come on, when we'll switch over and watch a little beisbol; the best baseball going this year is happening in New York City. Does Davenport have a baseball team this year? We know they used to have a dandy stadium right down by the river there. The ballpark always floods everytime the Mighty Mississippi runs out of her banks. Are rivers women? Whoa, we just thought, the Mississippi is the father of all our rivers, so I s'pose the Mighty Mississippi is a male. Cars used to be women when I was a kid; ships always were, I think.

We've Probably Lost the Internet Afterall
The asshole Repugnicans yesterday voted down a Democratic-sponsored law that would give every site on the Internet equality--it would have made the Internet neutral in terms of control by the megacommunications companies that want to own it. Nope. The Repugnicans countered that they wanted no government regulations to interfere with the Internet. Holy shit these fools are killing us. Why do we put up with this shit? This will ruin, eBay, Google, all these companies; it will ruin them because first of all they will now have to pay taxes on all their transmissions as well as increased costs and fees for maintain a high-speed-tiered site. Here comes the dirt road for We the People. Fuck the People seems to be the intent of this Repugnican fucked up Congress.



thecorruptedstaff of The Daily Growler

Yes, All Fool's Day has been continued past April 1st indefinitely so that We the People can do a little celebrating while Freedom's on the march.

The Daily Growler Quote of the Day

Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind.
Because your lover threw wild hands toward the sky
And the affrighted steed ran on alone,
Do not weep.
War is kind.

Hoarse, booming drums of the regiment,
Little souls who thirst for fight,
These men were born to drill and die.
The unexplained glory flies above them,
Great is the battle-god, great, and his kingdom
A field where a thousand corpses lie.

Mother whose heart hung humble as a button
On the bright splendid shroud of your son,
Do not weep,
War is kind.

Stephen Crane, from his poem "War Is Kind."
from his book of poetry War Is Kind, New York 1899.

Note: Ecuador scored a second goal with 10 minutes left in the game. Ecuador 2 Poland 0.

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