Friday, April 14, 2006

Introducing: The Growling Wolf

Introducing: The Growling Wolf

I am maniacal. It is easy to be maniacal these days. Hell, look around you. What do you see?--I don't care where you are, in a crowded bus, subway car, your own gas-guzzling-ozone-knifing SUV, at the diner table of your brand-new-old, mortgaged-to-the-hilt castle in a superboring gated community, or at your desk at your high-paying, high-devotion-demanding flex-timed job on the old corporate plantation, in the big house or out in the fields...wherever you are, look around you. What do you see? Let me guess: stupid dumbass fellow human beings, right? Even if it's your charming spouse, the person you've given up one half of your life's worth to. Even if it's your gaggle of perfect curtain climbers. Check 'em out. Little smartass brats probably, right? I'm sorry, I growl at kids. I growl at everybody. I growl because the world as it is turning is turning me into a maniac. And it's all due to how utterly, bamboozlingly stupid most people are--and I certainly point my hairiest finger at those people who come before us as "know it alls." Have you noticed how all these "celebrities" know every god-damn thing there is, no matter the question, no matter the problem, no matter their goofy, off-the-wall answers. Like that idiot Richard Gere and his following the Dallying Lama, who, I see, is giving up his "throne" (what my grandmother called the toilet) to a 3-year-old child fool, and the Dallying One's convolutedly pious prattling. Didn't the followers of the Dalai Lama used to follow him around and not let his shit hit the ground? Am I misinformed by old, old, long-gone Christian missionaries to Tibet?
Howard Stern once said, he figured out as a kid listening to New York City talk radio, that the way to success in that medium was to act like the greatest asshole know-it-all that ever blabbed over the airwaves--whether you know the answer or not, blab like you do, and if you get a heckler, hang up on 'em while calling them assholes. Of course, a true know-it-all is a modest person. They are like imps, they are docile until they hear something that is an error--then they ferociously correct that error.

I am currently growling at talk radio amongst all this other medium garbage. I don't care what brand of talk radio; Air America, Rush Limpballs, Bill O'Really!, the Satellite Sisters...they all, liberal or right-wing quack, eventually will rattle your brain with their brainless babbling, their unreferenced opinions, their rather hastily put-together interpretations of subjects they obviously newcomers to, spewing out what to them is clever crap that to me is spine-shiveringly witless and faked knowledge and soon I am ripping at the radio with my claws and growling to the point I have to collar my self. "Down, you son of a bitch! Down. Relax. Don't get trapped in the hypertension rapids the meister class expects us all to fall into and swim for our poor-ass enslaved lives. As one of my drunk poet heroes screamed as they hauled his drunk ass into an emergency room and brought him back to life with the electric paddles, "You bastards, I was never so peaceful as I was when I was dead!"

I am surrounded by idiots, puffbrains, braggadocios (ias), from the "president" on down to the clown who lives across the hall from me and plays his boring techno-drivel house music hours and hours on the weekends, especially on Saturday afternoons when I am perhaps basking in a little mellow peace of my own...perhaps smoking a sweet rolled, exotic smelling panatella from my Domicano friend around the corner who inherited his cigar rolling business from his highly honored grandfather, Don Negrito. Whew. It's hard to find peace. Like watching teevee. Holy cows in Hell, how devastatingly boring, repetitive, totally sales pitched and commercialized all teevee is...PBS (Purely Boring Shit...actually Purely Boring British Shit), CBS (Consistently Boring Shit), NBC (Naggingly Boring Crap), ABC (Absolute Boring Crap), Fox Network--please, take it back to Australia--Dennis Potter, the British television dramatist -- he created the Singing Detective, didn't he?, when interviewed as he was near death--he was drinking liquid morphene out of little brown bottles all during the interview--he was dying of some horrible cancer, like pancreas cancer, though he was a chain smoking fool, but the cancer had definitely beat his ass--I think he lived another few months after this interview, but in the interview, the moderator ask Dennis since he was dying and could kill anybody he wanted to...Dennis agreed...who would he kill. Dennis replied, "Rupert Murdoch." Dennis said he believed Rupert was the evilest man alive--mainly, in Dennis's thinking, because Murdoch was ruining publishing, television, cable, journalism. That's what I think of the Fox Network, in spite of The Simpsons, their only successful show, by the way--yeah, I know, they have that piece of crap American Idol. Oh, holy cows of Mars, that show really gets me to growling, pulling out my fur, loping out to bay like a crazed LUNATIC at that big wild full moon that's always in my dark-blue sky.


for The "First" Daily Growler


language said...

Welcome to Blogworld! Now lets see if you have the fortitude to keep growling on a regular basis. I'll add you to the ol' blogroll and check in regular-like. Nothing like a good growl with the morning coffee--

language hat


Yes Growler, have a muffin
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