Yes, It's True--But None of the Rest Is True
Yes, it is true. We were inadvertently invited--well, we overheard mild-mannered Franny and Zoe on the phone being invited to a staff party at...we weren't supposed to hear, what are we, staff untouchables?--so we don't have two heads like Franny and Zoe--so we're not old newshounds like Walter Crackpipe and marvelousmarvbackbiter--nor are we poets like Mother Henry Nocks--what, you've never heard of Mother Nocks, the Mother Superior poet out of the far mountains of British Columbia? "Don't knock Mother Nocks!" is a slogan around here... but enough of singing swansongs--no, we protest too much, we were invited to this month's monthly Growler staff party at the Upper West Side pub we all know and love--and by golly, folks, thegrowlingwolf was there bigger than Dallas, as he used to like to say--he's there, he's saying, not because he likes being with The Growler staff, but he likes the Kerry girl who works the bar so we should have known he'd show up.
On seeing the Wolf-Man, we said, "What the hell you doin', Wolfie?...it's been seems like forever since you were clowning around the swell offices of The Daily Growler."
"Ya miss me? I didn't miss you. I've been trying this filmic concept--Walter Crackhead spilled the beans on that one--I wanted my debut on YouTube to be a surprise--bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, of course, which is what I've been working on, a novel I'm calling Bullshit, all about a bunch of West Texas Herefords taking over the world--we have to all become bulls and cows and all the bullshit that goes with that--"'Who's gonna milk us this morning?' the girls called from the milking room, their breasts all swollen bulging white while their nipples were long and puffy and red awaiting being sucked. 'It's our turn,' squealed a little quorum of virgin bulls. 'Now, you boys are too old to be sucking our teats.' 'Ah, damn, all those little kids get such sweet action.' 'You had yours, boys.' 'Yeah, but we were too young to know how hot it was...now, hell, our peters dangle out so god-damn hard when we think about sucking those creamy udderly wonderful...'" You see, it's a scatological novel--all bullshit, total hair-raising bullshit, like the African chieftain in the book, he was actually born in Norway and has never been to Africa, who says he can grow hair on a baldheaded white man by putting cow manure on his head and leaving it there for 6 months--whitey sleeping in it--like a shit-mud bowl over his head--and it smells like shit, too, and then, when the bowl is removed six months later he doesn't have hair growing up there at all but rather he has a whole school of maggots growing up there, eating through his skull into his brain--damn too romantic a novel really--"
And then he stopped talking and went back with the Kerry girl to play the juke box--we soon heard Miles Davis playing on this Irish pub jukebox--cool--you know, later Miles, Miles doing that Michael Jackson tune--and next thing we know, G Star the artist brings to our attention the fact that Wolfie is feeling his oats--he's got his hand on the Kerry girl's ass!
In the meantime, Obama was in Afghanistan talking WAR talk! He's commiting more troops to Afghanistan and he's never giving up the War on Terror he said, bullshitting his way around old Kabul, talking smart ass, yet continuing to talk war, to follow the script written by Bush and the Neo-Con nutjobs, all of whom had to quit the Bush Administration in order to keep from having to face criminal charges--Scooter, Paul Wolf O'Witz, Cousin Karl--such sorry rascals and yet their 9/11 bullshit wars are still being funded by both "liberals" and Ku-Kluxerrightwingers; both 9/11 JIVE wars are being sent more troops; both 9/11 jive wars were not started by any Americans--only Saudis and a Jordanian or two--yet, Amuricans are all guilty of letting it happen--the guilt is being projected onto the Amurican people by both parties--for why we all ask?--the answer being, first from Obama, "Hey, once you Dumbocrat primary voters gave me enough votes to get the nomination--hell, that's all I cared about, fuck what you primary voters thought you were getting. Change. My change is Bush's change! Reagan's change! Hey, I gotta prove I'm more qualified to be president than Maverick John 'Hero' McCain" and second from John "Nutjob" McCain, "Hey, look at Obama's voting record since he's been in Congress. Why he's more leftwing than the only Socialist in Congress, gayboy Barry Sanders! Why, Obama voted for Knee-grows to keep the vote! He voted against the poll taxes we Repugnicans tried to put back in practice, you know, to keep the riff-raff from voting--you know, BLACK felons, and BLACK ex-cons-we can't have those guys voting--ever--why, what the hell do you think this is, a democracy!"
The Pro-McCain corporate media yesterday was full of McCain bullshit--most people, one corporate-owned McCain-backing network show said, in polls they'd taken John McCain was appearing to the Amurican people as the best man to be commander in chief because he was a war hero! That drives us up the wall. How the hell was McCain a war hero? A war hero saves several of his buddies's lives or successfully carries out a difficult bombing mission! That's a war hero! McCain got shot out of the sky; he got captured. You are supposed to take a poison pill, a cyanide pill) if you're an Air Force or Navy pilot and you're shot down and captured--I mean, think about it, you might have bombing mission information on you or in your head--like what times bombing attacks are planned, etc. McCain was shot down. He became a prisoner of war. He was tortured, or so his bio says--there's really no MIA proof that McCain suffered at all after his capture--there's even rumor that his old Admiral daddy warned the Cong to either treat his boy good or he'd bomb the bejesus out of them--something blah-blah-blah like that we recently read in an anti-McCain piece. Americans are so dumb, it could be the whiteys are thinking too much about Obama, their racism coming to light--"He's half-white, yes, but damn he looks so N-worder and his wife is definitely an N-worder and his daughters are definitely little N-worder girls"--all the whiteys who vote are thinking--"Oh my God in Holy Heaven, what if he lied about his mother being white--what if she really is a towel-headed Mooselimb woman--otherwise, why would a white woman name her little half-breed son Hussein! At least McCain is solid white!"
So Obama is being advised he needs to keep acting tough and talking tough war-talk and keep making wacky off-the-wall rightwing statements--hypocritical! That's the key word. Such a hypocritical society we live in. We have no rights at all anymore; yet sobbing mothers standing down at Ground Zero are praying for our troops and crying their eyes out for what our boys and girls are doing in Iraq (they forget we're in Afghanistan, too)--"Making it so I can come down to this sacred ground and feel safe." How asinine.
thegrowlingwolf was drinking Guinness Stout and soon was betting everyone in the house that Cynthia McKinney was going to be the next president of the USA--Cynthia and her hip-hop, in-the-house, yo-yo-yo, street-girl running mate. "No way," the Kerry girl was saying, still allowing her fine tight ass to be groped by the Wolf Man. "I'm impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger," he once hollered back over his shoulder--"except Arnie was a tit-groper and not an ass groper. I see nothing wrong in soothing a beautiful woman's soul by petting her ass."
The room was becoming a living limerick.
Cynthia McKinney and Rosa Clemente, the Green Party candidates.
We hate to say this, but Cynthia's hip-hop-sistah running mate though pretty as a gangstah's pistol, doesn't come off very bright--plus she says hip-hop speaks for all black youth, the most important people in this country to Rosa--she founded The Hip-Hop Nation. She talks a lot of street jive--but then, we happen to know Cynthia has no hope of winning but if she does amass a certain number of votes the Green Party can get on a lot of state-office ballots and in the next presidential election then Cynthia will be eligible for campaign financing--ah, politics! How sweet it is!
Our heads besides being swollen with egotistical attitudes are a little hungover--the beers and ales and stouts were flowing like the Danube--and somebody at the party--the Amazin' Jewish photojournalist back from Warsaw I think--said her sister had just returned from sailing down the Danube from its source to Vienna. Then we blanked out. The next thing we remember is being cuddled up with Franny and Zoe on the floor of the sterlingly spotlessly sterilized offices of The Daily Growler--though nothing happened--one or two of us may have necked a little with Franny! She is a good kisser.
for The Daily Blue Monday Growler