Daily Growler Chit Chat
Dear Daily Growler,
I'm a lonely bar performer; I'm pretty damn good, but I haven't got much of an audience for my music; yeah, when I play covers, some people applaud, but mostly it's me working my virtuosities to the bone playing to a roomful of young dumb turkeys with bellies full of beer and heads empty of any musical consciousness. When I get home early in the mornings I can't sleep so I watch teevee. The other morning the local PBS channel was in a fund-raising drive. The hero of this fund-raising drive? Yanni. And Yanni's at some fabulous venue with the whole god-damn London Philharmonic backing him up. Yanni! I try to watch him but, like I said, I'm a pretty damn good musician, and watching Yanni for me is like listening to a guy scraping his fingernails across a blackboard; I mean it's senseless music; it goes nowhere; it's just Yanni doing his scales a la Liberace--yet, this fop fills huge areas of space when he gives one of his extravaganzas. It soon has me running around my apartment pulling my hair out. My question is, where did this no-talent but highly promoted musical clown come from? How did he gain his fame? I'd appreciate an answer.
Dear Daily Growler,
Have you guys seen the latest musical joke PBS is promoting? It's a guy named Tom Lauderdale--he's an ugly MFer who is trying to look like Elton John--he plays the piano as flashy and precise as a drum major leading a high school band, which is exactly what his back-up band reminds me of--a whacky sounding band, all playing with such serious abandonment, the same routine playing you see from Estavan when he appears on his goldmine, Home Shopping Network, selling the yokels his cheap-ass guitars for 300 bucks--oh, yeah, you get a cheesy little amp with that and a fistful of Estavan's ego-tripping DVDs.
This Lauderdale clown calls his band "Pink Martini" and he features a singer, China Forbes, a sleazy-looking homely babe Little Tommy says he met while attending Harvard. Oh my god. I'm a god-damn musician and this mimicking fool gives me the willies.... So I take back the high school band reference--it's more college like a college frat-rat band; like Rudy Vallee became a big movie star even from becoming famous leading his frat-rat band--I think he went to Yale.
My question is, where the hell does PBS find these dworks? I could ask the same question about Josh Groban--you ever seen that p____ little geek? Or how about Reba McIntyre singing Broadway show tunes--what a witch! I'm so insane, I'm crapping in my pants and dancing on the bloody ceiling. Holy Creeps, PBS is making music duller than listening to Creflo Dollar selling his full-retail-priced hogwash in the name of that G-D dead Jewish guy from the garbage dumps of Nazareth; it has me banging my head against my bedroom wall. My neighbor is complaining I'm banging that wall so hard.
Conestoga, South Dakota
The Daily Growler does not take questions because we have no answer for these questions. We have seen all those clowns Hinckey and Pokie mention but who they are and why PBS is promoting them...could it be they appear free on PBS just for the exposure? Josh Groban, no, we don't understand him; but we don't understand Mandy Potamkin as a singer either. John Tesch is one you left out; the blonde Frankenstein [Howard Stern's description of Tesch] is about due for another big CD project for PBS, so keep an eye out. Yanni, well, hell, look at him; he's a sleazy oily Greek isn't he? Married some sagging actress and cleaned her bank account out. Also, you didn't mention Andre the Fiddling Dutchman and his Strauss Waltz Orchestra--oh my God; spare us from this Liberace with a violin [Liberace's brother George played the violin].
That's the best we can do. Besides, it's Sunday--shouldn't we get a day off from this perpetual blogging?
THE TRUTH IS COMING OUT ON THE NEW AL QUEDA TERRORIST THREAT. HERE'S A BUZZFLASH BULLETIN EXPLAINING IT. IT'S THE SAME OLD SHIT, FOLKS, THE SAME OLD SHIT. THE DAILY GROWLER CALLED IT RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. THE BASTARDS!
Have a pleasant Christian Sabbath,
thestaff, Al Hugger and Lilly Faith Belloni
for The Daily Growler