Friday, February 01, 2008

Finders Keepers or Is It Really Garbage

Think of the millions of tons of garbage human beings create daily, besides the huge gobs of raw sewage they flush into their water systems every day. I read where a city in California is so desperate for drinking water they've employed a method for turning sewage into drinking water. I don't know. Yeah, I've seen a guy who claimed he drank two glasses of his own piss every day; he said that piss had minerals in it that gave him longevity. Yeah sure. I believe that. That's why we piss: to get rid of necessary minerals out of our system. How dumb is drinking your own piss, unless you're lost at sea in a sailboat and nothing to drink--no rain--no hope--except Jesus, you have to piss like a Trojan--and then you think, "Holy mackerel, where's that empty orange juice carton, I'm gonna piss me some lifesaving drinking water!"

Well, hell, I've seen dogs lapping like mad at water so murky and foul looking only a maddened desperate human would bury his snout in it and slurp it down--yet, the dog survived it, happy as a lark with a belly full of thirst-quenching water--or like Tabby the family cat who devours a big rat he kills in some backyard. Hell, Tabby doesn't get sick and die; hell no, he's happy he finally got some real catfood instead of that waste-rat-shit-laced-floor-slop canned crap human beings feed him.

Could I eat a rat raw were I hungry enough? Good question. I say that's how you run that stupid phony Survivor teevee show: you put a pen of live fat and fouled rats out in the middle of an arena and then you put the human contestants in tiger cages (like the dirty filthy VietCong did to Cap'n John McCain, suddenly the leading candidate the Rat-like Repugnican Party)--then when they get hungry enough, they release a switch, then rush out and try and kill rats barehanded, and once killed, then they go for the belly meat, using only their teeth and hands--the starving contestant who kills and eats the most raw rats gets to move on to the next challenge--like Gordon Liddy said, what kind of a man are you if you can't eat a rat raw while you put a lit cigarette out in the palm of your masturbating hand--yahoo, what a wild and despicable kind of Roman-circus show that would be--or how about putting a starving hot-dog-type man in the same room with a starving man-eating tiger and let 'em go at it!

By the bye, as an aside, I see where Paula Abdul, a show-biz has-been until she lucked out and got that American Idol job from Rupert "Once an Illegal Immigrant Businessman in This Country--Becoming an American Citizen EXCEPT Not His Wife Who Remained an Australian Citizen So He Could Have His Monopolistic World Holdings and Eat His Cake, Too" Murdoch (the man Dennis Potter the British teevee writer said he'd gladly murder (he was dying of incurable horrible painful cancer) if he had the chance because Rupert Murdoch was ruining television and journalism and publishing and news reporting! Too bad Dennis was a civilized man right to the end)--I lost my train of thought--it derailed back at the first mention of the despised Rupert Murdoch--I got lost while mentioning that one-time has-been Paula Abdul is now a comeback queen, a la Marie Osmond who recently got her chance at a comeback on that foppish and very smarmy "dancing with the stars" teevee show--a Disney show, I think--and don't get me started on Disney--a cartoon company now cartooning up our American cultural landscape. Yes, folks, Paula has made her first new video in 20 years--and who cares? Who knows! I saw some of it and Paula has timbers for thighs and lower legs, chunky, sturdy--hell, that young dude on the show Paula gave some pussy to said she was hot as a pistol in the sack--came out wearing only a furcoat and F-ed him in front of her fireplace--WAHOO! You go, Paula!

Oh hell, do I sound cynical?

I'm just ajoy about how much the rich hate the poor. Bush is cutting the hell out of Medicaid and Medicare. Thank you, you little lying rich bastard, you pissant; you sorry son of a bitch, growing up in Midland, Texas, hating spicks and N-worders and white trash, though you liked whoring around in their parts of your rich little city---oh shit, here I go off on a tangent again. But aren't you tired of these hypocrites! All of 'em rich as shit and all of 'em looking down their crooked noses at us like we're dumb, ignorant, piles of shit--have you noticed that's how rich people talk to people they think are less than them? Listen to Donald "Wighat" Trump ballyhooing sometimes--the king of the bankrupt billionaires! Or listen to New York City's little shrimp billionaire mayor talking to New York Citians like we're just arriving off the boat from Nowhere--trying to shove this congestion pricing down our throats when he's the little turd who caused our traffic mess in the first place with cross-street through street design--you can't turn off of some cross-town streets until you've gone several blocks--this causes intersection blocking and long backups of traffic on all New York City side streets--jams all the time up and down like Park Avenue--at any time of day. Also, all this fucking construction going on--boy is that fucking up traffic--oh, but our little pipsqueak billionaire mayor says we need 200,000 more hotel rooms for the TOURISTS--why are we kissing the asses of these tourists? Why are we letting them clutter up our city with fast-food trash and these gas-guzzling and exhaust contaminating tour buses that now clog our main arteries--oh no, don't congestion price those bastards--nor your limo drivers. Goofball hayseed Americans and Euro-rich Euro-trash are coming here and paying outrageous prices for hotel rooms--plus the added city room taxes and shit--the average hotel room in NYC now is around $250 a night, plus an added 14% city room occupancy tax--now who in the hell would come to this town and spend that kind of money? For what, one of those foppish Brit-leaning Broadway shows? Plus, I see tourists here with three and four toe-head kids along with them--so, yeah, construction work is fucking up the traffic--and today, a construction site crane collapsed--no telling what damage or death it caused--I haven't heard yet--this will be the sixth construction site bungle in the past month or so, two window washers falling 30+ stories, one to his death, both with Spanish names; then a crane operator lost control of his crane on Trump's tacky hotel and condo eyesore he's putting up on Sixth Avenue and VanDam and whacked half a floor out of the building knocking four dudes off the building, three into the safety net, and one flung out to splat dead in the middle of Sixth Avenue--those gentlemen had Spanish names, too; then a scaffolding collapsed in the Fort Greene section, a new condo going up in that once-glorious-old Polish section of Brooklyn--gonna get up and coming Yuppy whites in there--you know, spruce that area up so more developers will come in and ruin some more of it--and this dude fell off this scaffolding and he was killed and he had a Spanish name, too; and then there was another Spanish fellow who fell off a building on the West Side a couple'a days ago--all with Spanish names. You know why? These foreign-mostly developers are bringing in laborers from South America--and they work for half what you'd have to pay an American worker--and that's why there's so much development going on in New York City--cheap labor--illegal immigrants--but then, like we've said before, half the Irish working in the Irish bars and restaurants in NYC are illegal. But this construction boom going on in this town is fucking phenomenal, folks; I've never seen anything like it and I've lived here 35 years. Our billionaire mayor wants me and people like me out of HIS Manhattan--he wants poor people out of Manhattan--he damn sure wants blacks and Puerto Ricans out of Manhattan--he's destoying Harlem now--hey, they were building a 52-story luxury hotel at 125th and Park Avenue--but the citizens railed against it and they cancelled those plans and came up with, dig this, the new headquarters for Major League Baseball--holy moley--a 30-story extremely tacky glass-box, stacked like that out-o'whack-type architecture popular in Europe--where else? Frank Lloyd Wright, an American architect, said our houses should blend into nature and we should live in "natural" houses naturally. European architects have always preferred the mechanistic over the natural and that's what these foreign developers are bringing to Manhattan Island--NO NATIVE AMERICANS wanted either, you can bet your booty on that--our pompous and racist billionaire mayor now has presidential aspirations running around in his pompous little toehead.

I'm sick of rich people and their privileges. Fuck 'em all. They're the dumbest bastards in the world--look how hickish Trump acts and how gaudy all he considers valuable is--look at what a hick Ross Perot was--and what a little jerk of a hick Georgie Porgie Bush is.

And Rupert "Aussie Hick" Murdoch has fired superpatriot Montel Williams for Williams's stating on his teevee show that Fox News had inanely covered that actor's OD-ing or whatever the fuck killed him, that Aussie actor, by the way, Murdoch "Good Day" fans--I can't even recall his Brokeback Mountain name now--anyway, Montel said how foolish it was covering this poor boob's killing himself with fame and privilege and drugs and model girlfriends and bastard babies and personal masseuses--and drugs while ignoring the fact that US soldiers were getting killed every day in Iraq and Afghanistan and then how shamefully they were being treated at VA Hospitals when they did return from those stupid wars--and Rupert Murdoch said, "How dare that asshole N-worder defame that dear Australian boy--more precious to me than a whole platoon of goofy volunteer US army dudes." So Montel's lost his show. It's gone, folks. One Fox station said Murdoch pulled the plug on Montel right after he made that unpatriotic statement--zip, he was off the air.

And, Praise the Lard and Bacon Grease, old Larry Pax has put Pastor Melissa Scott back on the New York City-owned teevee station his old pal Rudi Mussolini sold to Sweet Jesus-lovin' Larry for 90 million bucks back in Rude Man's first term of office--when Rudi was privatizing everything from our city hospitals, our schools, and the fire department, and having trouble getting it up for Donna Hanover, who was getting a little long in the tooth at that time--I just thought I'd throw that in. Yep, Larry had axed Melissa for a while, but she's back on now by popular demand--except an hour later--at one in the morning--you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to catch the gospel according to Pastor Melissa Scott, who's still so damn pretty I catch myself shoutin' glory at her as she preaches her splendid tight ass off--yep, holy whacking off and shoutin' glory as I testify to her fantasy worth in a horny man's skull! Praise his whory name!

God religions are stupid; and so are religious people--the hucksters and the fools

And the whole purpose of this spewing was to say that yesterday morning as I was going out at 6:50 to get coffee, I noticed a guitar carrying case leaning up against the door to our garbage room and beside it was a guitar stand, a stage stand. I immediately was cautious. I felt the case, picked it up, it wasn't heavy but it did have something in it. I took it back to my apartment; the stage stand was in good shape and I needed that for my Silvertone electric guitar, so I put it right into service. I was a little hesitant at opening the guitar gig bag (it was a soft bag from Manny's Music on 48th Street here in Manhattan--it once was Manny's Drum Shop, the most famous drum shop in the world--Roy Haynes the jazz drummer once sat in Manny's window and played the drums for like 50 hours straight--now Manny's is owned by Sam Ash, once Manny's across-the-street rival on 48th). Who knew what was in it? Maybe raw garbage! Maybe a cut up baby! Who the hell knew. Hell, maybe it was a terrorist bomb?

Finally I opened the damn thing--and to my exalted surprise, there was a guitar in it--an acoustic, rosewood, but cheap, and the damn thing was in tune, ready to play, and I sat down and started playing it and shit it has a great sound, plays like a charm, and, heck fire, it wasn't garbage to me. Just think, someone's garbage made me a happy dude yesterday--in fact, I'm still happy about it. Who knows why somebody threw it away. Is it contaminated maybe? I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'm pickin' and grinnin' like Estevan on my new guitar.

for The Daily Growler


Anonymous said...

Sheesh...all that hell to go through, but you got yerself six strings of sweetness.

F___em all and the brainless twits who suck their dicks and think their getting manna from heaven.


Marybeth said...

I wish I would find me a guitar out to the garbage. I would love a guitar. I recently found an unopened package of six Ernie Ball Hybrid Slinky custom gauge nickel wound guitar strings out to the trash. I took then home with me but have no guitar to use them on. I've had my eyeballs peeled for an old out-to-the-garbage guitar to affix my strings to. I might just have to resort to the Robert Johnson technique of nailing the bastards to the side of the house and learn how to play guitar that way. It certainly worked for Robert Johnson.