Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The Daily Growler 2008 Fresh Start Post

Manmade Time Controls Us
I was trying to find something nice, pleasant, creative, actually funny, informative on television over the holy days (the holly days)--I used to hear Burl Ives singing "Have a holly-jolly Christmas..." and I didn't hear it this year, though it may have been on, and that's sort of sad because when I hear it it reminds me a of woman, a magazine art director, I once fell madly in lust with--competed for her with my real close friend as a matter of fact--we made fools of ourselves over this woman--and she rejected us both--but while I was in the catbird seat for a brief while with her we got close enough to have our own tacit understandings, one of them being every time we heard Burl Ives singing that song it reminded us of that one time I stayed over at her place and we sat in bed watching the cartoon from which the song comes, I believe it is Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, the animated version that ran faithfully for years on network teevee at Christmas and starred the voice of Burl Ives as Santa Claus, and ran as a combo package along with a cartoon featuring Fred Astaire (almost a "Who?" by now) as a mailman--but anyway, at the very height of our lovemaking that night Burl Ives started singing that damn fool song, "Have a holly-jolly Christmas...," and she started laughing and then I got to laughing with her--what a jolly-holly coming together we had that one night, but it held up for a long time and even after she had rejected me I could still get a horse laugh out of her if I started singing that song around her. Sad story that lady--but then that's another one of my "stories for another time."

I have several questions rattling around in my head (or "haid" since I feel so white trash when I'm watching network teevee). Why are we fascinated with destruction? Why do we like watching buildings being imploded? Why do we love movies full of explosions (gasoline explosions as overused by Hollywood effects folks)? And violence? What is it about violence that fascinates us; that holds us imprisoned for 40 loose minutes of story and 20 minutes of commercials, which now have commercials within commercials--teevee shows being sponsored by maybe 10 different products--like scoreboards and each score being sponsored during the baseball games--"And here's the latest scores courtesy of Toyota, get the best from the Far West, dlive a Toyota--and in the National League, sponsored by the latest Disney animated movie, Shrek Finally Fucks, in sensuous color, yep, ladies and gents, see the darlin' goofball Shrek finally get his rocks titillated and then exploded off by the new mutant double-vagina-ed Schmule the Mule Girl" [Note: time for a remembrance of Francis the Talking Mule--that's right, all you Mr. Ed devotees, there was a talking mule before there was a talking horse, Francis the Talking Mule--his or her master was Donald O'Connor, actually a pretty fabulous show-boat dancer at one time.]
Did they really put slivers of glass in Ed's mouth to make him talk? I know for sure in the Mr. Ed show where Ed goes to Dodger Stadium and works out with Leo Durocher and the LA Dodgers* that in order to make it look like Ed was sliding into third base, they bound his back legs with a rope and then pulled his horse's ass with that rope tied to the back of a pick-up truck to make it look like Ed was, you see, slidin' into turd base (a Dizzy Dean (Who?) way of pronouncing "third base" when he used to announce MLB baseball games on the radio and television).
Dizzy doing a Saint Louis Cardinal game on KWK St Louis radio back in the late fifties. Look at Diz sweatin'--he used to get pissed like that when a player made a stupid play or the pitcher screwed up. "Well I'll be goll-dang!" and he'd occasionally slip and say "God-damn."

The voice of Francis the Talking Mule, by the bye, was Chill Wills, the Texas actor from Seagoville, Texas, just outside of Dallas.
There's old Chill Wills. I remember his Wolf Brand chili commercials on Texas teevee.

*FOOTNOTE from above: (BOOOOOOO--and they [the LA Dodgers] got the best manager in baseball for next year--stole him from the New York Yankees because of George Steinbrenner's arrogance and pomposity--Steinbrenner's sons have made it seem like the reason the Yankees were losers were not the second-rate, has-been ballplayers George Steinbrenner stuck Torre with--like Randy Johnson and Re-reformed Rocket Clemens and worn-out-arm Andy Petitte and getting rid of Gary Sheffield--but was because specifically of Joe Torre--the Steinbrenner son and son-in-law (who's no longer a son-in-law) have now spun this story to where I hear young Yankee fans tromboning the same sentiments--"Hey, ya know, Joe had his day but it's time for the Yanks to move on now"--sorry, but baseball season's getting close and it's gonna be hard for me to be a Yankees fan this year and I've been a Yankees fan since I was a kid--but now it'll be really hard--Joe Gerardi going to lead the Yankees to greater championship wins than Joe Torre?--yeah sure! Joe Gerardi won't even make it one season, you watch.)

And, oh what a divine tangential situation that was! A writer's delight; a reader's confusion.

The Daily Growler Presidential Overlook
OK, here we go rankin' presidential candidates:
The Rankings of the Rank:
1. Obama
--he's beginning to look like a surefire possibility now. Obama's an enigma for the Repugnicans who in order to beat Obama will have to start playing the race card eventually. "Yo mama was white!" They'll be shoutin'. You know down South (where the souls of Repugs and Dumbocrats actually reside (all the candidates except Obama have ties to the Old South)) when a white woman marries a black man that makes her an N-worder, too; in fact, it makes her worse than an N-worder, it makes her an "N-word Lover," a really below low status for a white woman. Besides, Obama's smarter than the white devils running. We like Obama. Will he make a good president? Nah, they'll eat him alive on the Hill. Same thing'll happen to him that happened to David Dinkins when he got elected first black mayor of New York City.
[A The Daily Growler ALERT--from our cracked newstaff: Frannie & Zoe report: "While listening to our gal Amy Goodman on this morning's Democracy Now we heard something we'd never thought of before--who these presidential candidates's advisors are. And BEWARE, voters or cynics or socialists or anarchists or program whatevers, every one of these candidates have those 'same ole boys' thundering out of our 'politics as usual' past as their advisers. Obama, the blessed child, born with that handsomeness and ability to speak stentorianally still has as his top foreign advisor this nutjob Z. Brezhinsky--a dude who speaks with a thick, what is it, Polish?, accent and who bragged about cutting off Muslim heads in Afghanistan when he was in charge of our affairs there--plus he was an adviser to Billy Jeff Clinton and Jimmy Carter, too, and he's a warmonger, he loved Boris Yeltsin (who just died this year) whatever, and Obama has him as his top adviser on foreign affairs; a big contributor to the Obama campaign, too, is the military industrial complex, figure that one out. Obama has some other strange bedfellows as his advisers, too, check them out. Brezhinsky, we believe, too, created Al Queda--aha! He even bragged about it back in the 1990s--we think he still brags about it. Hill Girl --OK, we're all for our gal Hillary becoming the first woman president if Hillary was really a "girl" in our sense of the word; we're beginning to see her as still having her nose pushed too far up her husband's ass and when you look at her declared advisers you see why--these are all from her husband's advisory staff when he was president, the same ole boys who rocketed Afghanistan, went stupidly into Somalia, put the killing sanctions on Iraq--and also bombed it almost daily, put a Navy flotilla barricade around Haiti to keep Haitians from coming to this country--Hillbilly Bill housed his hated Haitians in Guantanamo along with Cuban refugees, too, and Clinton took US forces into the Bosnian-Serbian War--the war that Wesley Clark, yeah that Wesley Clark, bragged about bombing and killing civilians when he bombed several Serbian cities to oblivion--oh yes, our gal Hill's advisory staff is chocked full of warmonger generals and ex-CIA goons. Hillary is definitely hooked to keeping the War on Terrorism going--in fact, according to her husband, who never lies remember, 'I did not have sex with that woman,' and I say asked Hillary about Bill's lying, she knows every one of them--she's heard, 'Honey, I did not have sex with Genifer Flowers!' and 'Honey, sweetheart, I did not show my dick to that Paula Jones, please, baby, I got better taste than that big-nose hillbilly bitch--and I definitely did not have sex with her though yes I did give her a 75,000 buck settlement just to get her off OUR backs, honeychile,' so yeah Hill knows what a liar he is--but he recently said that Hill had old gnarly George H. W. Bush, we call him Pappy Bush--these fool sons of his came from his old saggy seed--oooh, it makes us want to throw up to think about that old prune-man--oooooh, disgusting--but he's Hill's husband's best friend now, so he's on her advisory staff--and as president wouldn't she have to carry out some kind of tribunal on all the illegal wars this spoiled brat son of old gnarly Pappy has started and the revealing of a CIA agent's identity and the killing of innocent civilians some say by the millions in Iraq and the displacing of millions from their homes in Iraq--you see what we mean? We've learned well from our mentor the Wolf Man that we have. Even Pretty Boy John Edwards is in bed with some pretty questionable advisers. And forget about the Repugnicans--Mitt Romney's campaign manager is Ed Rollins--remember good ole Honest Ed? He's a felon, isn't he? But, hey, girls, our gal Martha Stewart's a felon, she couldn't have voted in Jeb Bush's 2000 or 2004 Florida elections, and she's doing peachy keen fine, all bright and bushy tailed now with her own New York City television studio just for her--and still doing commercials selling her child-labor-made products that bear her name--still pedaling her stuff on K-Mart commercials--all her stuff 'Made in China'--not Taiwan, now, don't forget, the China we respect now is Communist China, the People's Republic of China, Red China, Commie China, Mao China--the original home of child labor wasn't it? Mitt Romney has War Criminal Henry Kissinger advising him--Henry's advising Rudolf "Mussolini" Giuliani, too. Alexander Haig is advising John 'VietNam Nutjob' McCain--Haig was instrumental in setting up the death squads in Central America, especially Guatemala. These advisors are all warmongers--so that means, these candidates, except for Dennis Kucinich, are all hooked moneywise into the same-old, same-old lines--where they get the millions they are blowing trying to nail down a job that pays what 300 grand a year? So WARNING: check out who's advising these creeps then you'll see how there is no change coming, merely more of the same old warminded bullshit--more debt, less freedoms, more IDs required, more Federally decreed immunization shots--some into babies as they are born--OK, we love Chaos, so we're going to stop our silly bitching and just sit back and amuse ourselves with the coming deterioration. The rise and fall of the American Empire, what do you think? Love, Franny & Zoe, thetwoheadedgirlreporter for The Daily Growler Alert Team!"]

2. Hillary--her true colors are coming out--in ways, she and Slick Willie are more Neo-Con assholes than the Neo-Con assholes. Hillary is for WAR. She makes a good living off WAR and keeping WAR going--remember, she was on Wal-Mart's board at one time. Did you hear Bill Clinton say t'other night that when Hill is elected president the first thing she'll do is send him (precious husband Bill) and Pappy George W. Herbert Bush (yep, old Pappy Bush; remember, Bill has stated that Pappy is his best friend, "I love that man," Bill said) around the world to resurrect America's "peace" image to the world. What does that tell ya, folks? It tells me Hill ain't gonna change much going on when she takes over. I mean look at all the executive privilege and override Georgie Porgie (old Pappy's SON dammit, Bill, you hillbilly two-faced pervert!) is going to be leaving her with. How the hell you gonna bring any criminal charges against the US's worst-ever NEVER ELECTED president when you've got your husband and Georgie Porgie's old pappy as butt-brothers going around the world doing your foreign diplomacy for you--I mean, come on, Bill and Hill, the criminal bum's bum father is your best friend, a man you love--besides, old Pappy has a lot of questions to answer about his own CROOKED presidency--like his involvement in the Contra-Nicaragua mess--it's never been resolved--and as we here at The Daily Growler have been snarling at you for over a year and a half now, Slick Willie Clinton was governor of Arkansas during that Contra bullshit--in fact, the US Airbase at Mena, Arkansas, was the dropping off place for the cocaine and the picking up of arms for the Nicaraguan rebels (Daniel Ortega, then the big COMMIE enemy, is now ironically the duly elected president of the country)(remember, Pappy Bush was accused of running drugs with his old pal Noriega (how's Noriega living these days? Down in Miami. I'll bet he's living a hell of a lot better than half the poor bastards in the US of A are living)--remember, too, Pappy Bush killed over 400 innocent Panamanians in going down with the US Army to RESCUE, you heard me, his drug-runnin' buddy Noriega from the hands of the Panamanian people who were ready to string the drug-dealing bastard up--OH how quickly we forget).

Hillary Clinton looks to us like a two-faced bitch who's more Neo-Con than Bush in ways--it was her husband who fucked up and gave us NAFTA and GATT--the same old shit will be continued for sure. The same old national healthcare flubbing--like Hillary flubbed it when Bill let her be in control of it during his term. The big quesion is, "Who'll Hillary do in the Oval Office?" Certainly not Slick Willie. Maybe she'll choose a young boy intern for her Oval Office shenanigans. Remember Vince Foster?--it's hell having Hill as a mistress as well as a wife. I see Hill is trotting Chelsea out with her now. I've always liked Chelsea as president rather than Hill. To hell with Hill. We still like Obama.

3. John Edwards--pretty boy from SOUTH CAROLINA--not one of your more progressive states, folks--former domain of Strom Thurmond. Edwards's family made its fortune off the mills--the textile mills, which the south would not have had if it hadn't been for slavery--I'll bet still you go in what mills the South has left (most of them have been moved to China, including their American-invented machinery) the lowest paid workers in the joint are blacks and illegal Mexican immigrants. South Carolina also boasts having the most polluted river in the world, the Savannah River--why is it polluted?--because So. Carolina has one of the leakiest nuclear power plants next to Russia in the world. South Carolina has one of the largest Ku Klux Klan memberships in the country. Oh but that didn't affect Johnny Boy Edwards growing up--hell no, why some of his best "friends" were blacks, like the woman who cleaned his boyhood home and shitcans out. Plus, this dude had rather run for president than take care of his cancer-dying (perhaps) wife--you know; I mean, how cruel is making your terminally ill wife endure this presidential campaign? if the cancer doesn't kill her, surely the pressure of the campaigning will kill her.

4. Mitt Romney--surely this dude is a joke candidate. I mean, come on, this fool believes the Book of the Mormon is the word of HIS God. Surely this guy is a Repugnican joke.

5. Mike "Hillbilly" Huck(ster)abe--Baptist preachers are really great at putting their White Trash feet in their mouths. Huckabee will go ballistic with the race card if it's Obama and his sexist pig card if it's Hillary.

6. The best candidates are Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel --but in this land of the free and this democracy above all democracies they are not allowed to participate in debates. Being able to participate in these phony rigged debates depends on how much moulah you have in your coffers. Money talks; candidates without money walk.

What a total clown contest. So far these clowns have spent 40 million bucks on advertising in Iowa. Just think how they're gonna waste our money when they get control of the White (the Dole) House moneybags.

thegrowlingwolf (with helf from thestaff)
for The Daily Growler

The Daily Growler is not responsible for "wrong" information in the above post. Nowadays, it's like Lyndon "Big Balls" Johnson said, "Go ahead and call him a pigfucker whether he is or not. Let him prove he's not a pigfucker." Nowadays, what is "wrong" is taken as being "right"--and that it is since all of this is political illusion.

1 comment:

Marybeth said...

I've been meaning to comment on this one for a while. On Xmas my friends and I somehow ended up discussing "Mr. Ed" of all the ridiculous almost forgettable pieces of ephemera from our childhoods and the name "Wilbur" came up. Was Wilbur Mr. Ed's owner? None of us knew but somehow all of us remembered the horse "saying" that name. We were all overstuffed and overdrunk by that point and I think it's hilarious that you posted something about Mr.Ed in the same week. I haven't thought of such highbrow cultural icons in ages.