Friday, May 26, 2006

Hall of Crooked Fame

"Kenny Boy" Going to Prison for 45 Years
I can't believe that. Kenny Boy's lawyers are talking appeal. Hang it up in court for years; the federal judges may have been bought with some of Kenny Boy's dirty money over the Pappy and Georgie Porgie presidential years. Unka Dick chimes in: "You want me to take some of those judges hunting, Kenny Boy?" "Wow, yeah, Unka Dick. Would you do that for me? I can't believe that judge apologized to you for shooting him in the face. That's cool, man. You're the best, Unka Dick." "Kenny Boy, let me tell you. I'm more powerful than that squeamish little asshole 'president' ole Pappy Bush himself forced on our asskissing asses, me and Don Rumsfeld; why, what we've done for Pappy Bush, Jesus, there's one man I can't shoot in the face, but judges, now, son, that's another story. By the way, Kenny Boy, I may just have to take you hunting one of these days." "Oh, no, Unka Dick. I'll take the Fifth all the way, don't worry. I'd never reveal how many hot bucks I threw your way and vice versa, Unka Dick. That's safe with me. And, too, tell Pappy I'm not going to act like I even know who his worthless little rat son is." "Good, boy, Kenny." "Thank you, Unka Dick. Can I take my nose out of your filthy old hemorrhoidal ass now, please, sir?" "No, Kenny Boy, I like it there. Unless you want to move around to the front here and practice what you're going to be doing in prison." "Don't tease me like that, Unka Dick. You made me think I was invincible." "Deeper with that nose, Kenny Boy."

It's wonderful to see these Republicans stepping all over themselves as they are beginning to wallow in the shit of their own legislations and power giveaways and tax deductions and openly flaunting their outlaw attitudes, their total flim-flam. A flim-flammer eventually gets revealed. A liar is always easily cornered. Lie after lie after lie eventually get so entangled even the liar can no longer remember the sequence of them so he'll F up and step all over his tongue, finally, like Georgie Porgie was trying to do yesterday with that prissy little asshole Tony "You're Out on Your Ass Soon" Blair (he will get a job with the Carlyle Group as soon as he stands down next election in Britain).

Like global warming. If you deny global warming consistently and have phony scientific papers written up by your many think tanks (full of rich-boy foundation monies) proving not only is global warming not a problem, but just the opposite is true: fossil fuel emissions are actually good for the atmosphere. Trees thrive on carbon monoxide, so burning fossil fuels is helping preserve the forests of the world! What I'm saying is, there comes a time in all liars's lives when they're caught naked; the liar (or liars) have no idea what reality is so he makes his own reality up and with such power as being president of the United States commands, the suddenly the liar feels like everything he says or thinks reality and that's that. To deny he a liar would crumble him into a wimp, just like what happened in the case of Georgie Porgie, our "president's," old President Pappy after his lying ass got us into the Persian Gulf War, a war we'll never be told the truth about how devastating that was on that generation of hired soldiers, those troops who were trumpeted as haven't overcome the embarrassment of losing the Viet Nam War (their spin was that the Peaceniks wouldn't let Tricky Dick Nixon, then commander and chief of the US Armed Forcers, bomb the bejesus out all the Holy Hell of North and South Viet Nam, all of Cambodia and Laos, and hell, just like McArthur wanted to do to win the Korean War by going across the Yalu River and into China and bomb the Chinese back to the Stone Age. Hairy Ass Truman, the man who blew away over 300,000 Japs (that's what they were officially called in the US in those days) with two ATOM BOMBS, fired his ass for disobeying his commander and chief.

They are all tripped up on all their lies to the point any grain of truth that accidentally slips into the cogs of their insane works can bring them to a halt, drive them to wimpy witherings away into their fortified rubber rooms or to the mail room of the Carlyle Group. These creeps will eventually ruin themselves (a la Newt Gingrich--that big clumsy ox fool; a la Tricky Dick Nixon; a la Pappy Bush the Wimp--isn't a son of a wimp probably a wimp, too?). The problem before us citizens is, will these lying bastards who live in the reality of their lies drag all of us down with them like Kenny Boy Lay's honest lies did to the 5,600 Enron employees and to its many, many shareholders, too. Aren't all of us citizens of the good ole United Snakes now owed reparations after this government takes us under?

Kenny Boy Facts
-- Son of a jake-leg (moonshine-caused physical defect) Baptist preacher, after ol' Pappy Lay went bankrupt in the farm machinery business. Failed business runs in the family.

--Kenny Boy has a PhD in Economics from the University of Houston (1965)
--_______ worked for Humble Oil while getting his PhD. Humble was a Standard Oil creation (Esso Extra gasoline--S. O. standing for Standard Oil) that went on to become Exxon, now merged with Standard Oil's Mobil, which originally was Magnolia Oil and Refinery Co., "at the sign of the Flying Red Horse"--therefore, these are simply Standard Oil's Texas operations coming back together once again into the gas and oil monopolies they've always been.
--in 1971, at 29 years of age, Kenny Boy became Undersecretary of Energy under Nixon's Sec'y of Interior Rogers CB Morton, a political toady from Kentucky (brother of Thurston Morton), became Nixon's Sec'y of Commerce first, then replaced Walter Hickel as Sec'y of the Interior, when Kenny Boy Lay became his Undersecretary of Energy. Morton went on to be Gerald Ford's campaign manager in his unsuccessful run against Jimmy Carter, the cracker Navy nuclear physicist/peanut farmer and brother of Billy Beer founder Billy Carter, long gone, and famous for taking a piss on the tarmac at the Libya International Airport while meeting Kadafi for some kind of shady deal we'll probably never know about; Jimmy has gone on to have himself portrayed as a great peacemaker and humanitarian--remember, when he was commander and chief he flubbed up his "brilliant" rescue of the hostages in Tehran, from the Iranians who had already been paid off by Ronnie Raygun's goons (wasn't Don Rumsfeld around in those days, too?) to keep holding the hostages until after Raygun was elected president over the ineffectual Mr. Peanut, though he only beat the Jimmy man by 3% of the vote (you think Raygun stole that election?).
--3 years after becoming Undersecretary of Energy, Kenny Boy got a job as an executive of Florida Gas (natural gas) (both Texas and Wyoming are big natural gas states (see: Pappy Bush and Georgie Porgie of Texas; Unka Dick Cheney of Wyoming)). In just 7 years as a VP, Kenny Boy became president of Florida Gas in 1981 at 39 years of age (pretty damn good networking for a PhD in Economics).
--In 1982 Kenny Boy moved back to Houston to head Transco Energy Co.
--2 years later, KB became president of Houston Natural Gas, which after it merged with Omaha, Nebraska, corpsemaker, InterNorth, became Enron, with Kenny Boy as the CEO.
--In 1982, the Vice President of the United States hired Kenny Boy to set up an energy conference in Houston, Texas. Guess who that vice president was? I'll give you a hint: I call him Pappy Bush.

Please, though, don't worry about Kenny Boy going to prison. It won't be bad. He'll go to one of those Federal big-shot prisons where they have golf courses and tennis courts and workout rooms. He'll maybe have to do two years and probably become a born-again Christian, too--maybe even Brother Jerry Fallintohellwell could ordain Kenny Boy's ass while he's bent over in his prison cell, Praise the Lard!--so that by midnight, December 31st, 2008, Kenny Boy will get a free pass out of prison. Why?, you ask. He'll be pardoned by our "president." "You've done a heck of a job, Kenny Boy. Besides, you're my buddy and you know what happens to my buddy's."

One of Kenny Boy's Schemes (You, too, Could Do It If You Ever Get Rich)
In 2000, Kenny Boy took 14 million buckeroos and started the Linda and Ken Lay Foundation. Of that 14 million tax-free dollars, Kenny Boy and Linda Girl gave $2.1 million to charities and museums, mostly in Texas. The other 12 mil? Who the hell knows? Maybe it's in a Cayman Island British bank offshore bank account with Georgie Porgie's 49 billion he stole when it disappeared from the government books shortly after he stole his first election.

Kenny Boy and Baseball
Georgie Porgie, our "president" screwed the city of Arlington, Texas, by forcing them through eminent domain schemes and cost-matching schemes to build that grand stadium, and it is a grand stadium (I don't know its corporate moniker), I'll admit that, for the consistently losing Texas Rangers, who, by the way, are managed by Buck Showalter, who has constantly had his suitcase packed since George Steinbrenner fired him as Yankee manager prior to Joe Torre. Following in his hero's footsteps, Kenny Boy helped save the Houston Astros from leaving Houston in 1999 by getting the Houston business community to bail them out. Then he pledged 100 million bucks over 30 years to the Astros in exchange for them naming their new stadium (aha, how much did that cost the kind'a poor mostly black and Latino city of Houston?) Enron Field and plastering the Enron "crooked" E logo all over the walls of the joint, just like he spent 100 million bucks to plaster the Enron crap all over their headquarters building in Houston. Kenny Boy threw out the first pitch at the inaugural game played in the new Enron Field. What a great night that was for an old hillbilly hickass economist from Missouri, the home of the mule. He-haw.

Addendum: Yes, Kenny Boy Lay was over the years the largest contributor to Pappy Bush's and the Bush boys's, Georgie Porgie and Jeb, political campaigns, over $737 million dollars, most of which he bilked out of Enron employees and clients. You are crazy if you think Georgie Porgie ain't gonna pardon this worthless rascal. Check it out here.

for The Daily Growler
A Daily Growler Award for Motherhood

We give our first motherhood award to Britney Spears. Yes, poor lil' ole white trash honey from by God low-white-life Lawsbanana, Kentwood, honey chile, to be exact, is our ideal mother. I mean, hell, she's been programmed to be a great mother by the Big Daddy recording industry. In other words, this poor little dipstick is manufactured, as is true of most of our culture these days, especially our popular music, which is for teeny boppers, who are the basic idiots who buy these billions of dollars worth of CDs and downloads and who use cell phones the most--this is the money crowd the recording industry has hynotized. Britney is a teenage girl's envy and every goofy pimple-face teenage boy's masturbational ideal--"Wow, look at her ass! I gotta whip it, boy howdy, do I."

Mother Britney was born Britney Jeau (that's hillbilly for Jo to you dumb f-ers) Spears in 1981. Holy shit, I remember 1981 like it was yesterday, but I'm an old F now so I'm supposed to hate young people, except I don't. The ones who have honest talent amaze me; the youth is responsible for innovation; us old F-ers are into progression and evolution--they are the virgins, we are the jaded.

At eight years old, Mammy Spears took little Britney down to Walt Disney's Frozen-in-Time Glory World and tried to get her a spot on the Mickey Mouse Club. Mammy Spears was a smart old trailor-house trash woman, because though Britney was too young to make the cartoon mouse's tits and ass and boy banger teeny bopper masturbation club, a New York City agent liked her little ass enough to take her to Gotham and put her in something called the Professional Performing Arts School Center--I never heard of it, but it must exist among New York City agents.

In 1991, Britney appeared as a child actress in the Off-Broadway play "Ruthless."

In 1993, Britney's mom's dream came true and Britty landed alas a spot on the Mickey Mouse Club, shaking her cute little ass for old bug-eyed Mike Eisner. She gigged at Mickey's place for 2 years.

In 1995, she sent a demo tape to Jeff Fenster at Jive Records (I'm sure they recorded a whole lot of jive, too)(don't confuse this with The Daily Growler's Jiveass label). Jeff was hooked by Brit's cute ass. He fell. He turned her over to Eric Foster White, the genius who produced and wrote for Boyzone (?) and Whitney Houston (when she was really good--before Bobby Brown and drugs crapped her out--though those two are still living a better life than most of us will ever see, no matter our addiction and bad marriage situation), and Max Martin of the Backstreet Boys (ohh, what happened to that very talented Menudo-copy-cat group?--whatever happened to Ricky Martin, speaking of the little Menudo boy bangers put together by the PR pervert who introduced the boys to sodomy, or at least that's what he was brought up on when he was busted down in Puerto Rico, I think-- you never hear any follow up on any of this shit, do ya?). These dudes produced Brit's first single, "Baby, One More Time," and her first album of the same name. She was 17.

In 1998, Britney toured sponsored by Teen magazines; then she joined the NSync tour. Whatever happened to NSync? They've got to be living in great fun sin somewhere in a fabulous part of the world. Did they marry each other?

1999, She went to the top of the American Charts.

Britney claims she was a virgin until she met little flip-a-coin Justin Timberlake. It was love at first time with the double-backed beast for both of these starry eyed self-amused stars, so Justin's pimples bursted and blended with Britney's bursted pimples, but no baby came from this exchange of liquid fluids. They broke up when tearful Justin said Brit was cheating on him with every damn hustling son of a bitch that came in contact with her, especially her back-up dancer, Kevin Federline. Since Britney's dream was to follow in her idol Madonna's barefoot steps, she married her back-up dancer too and had her first little legit celebrity baby--was Madonna's back-up dancer-produced baby legitimate? I can't remember. There are a hell of a lot of little bastards running around the entertainment world. After dumping the good but a little odd Kevin, Brit married, she claims she was drunk and pilled out, her childhood hump, Jason Alexander. Poor dupe. He got to bang her one night and that was it. Brit was claiming annulment the next day, and that was that for that marriage.

By now, Brit is rich and to flaunt her wealth, she bought her brother a 4 million dollar apartment in New York City, now Brit's legal address; we wonder if she had her brother's Manhattan apartment decorated so it looks like the inside of a 50-footer, four-bedroom, two-bath trailer house?

Now Brit's pregnant again; still drinking; she's Louisiana white trash, think about what that means: drinking moonshine, hating black folks (called the "n" word by Britney's clan, that I'll guarantee), and keeping that humpin' image out there naked and shakin'--keeping an eye out for that next "toy boy" a la Mad-Donna, the Holy Mother of the entertainment biz.

By the way, what the hell has happened to Cher? Britney has taken Cher's ass-fame away from her.

Three Daily Growler cheers for our sacred mother, Britney Spears! Huzzah.

for The Daily Growler
The Daily Growler Quote of the Day
"What this man ['a luxurious idler'] inherited from his father, and on which we say he lives, is not actually wealth at all, but only the power of commanding wealth as others produce it." Henry George, Progress and Poverty, The Robert Schalkenbach Foundation 100th Anniversary edition, 1979.


Anonymous said...

You're just jealous of Kenny Boy cuz he's got more money than you

The Daily Growler said...

Please, Horatio, keep that hidden in the IVEyS.