Verizon, my Malaysia-based telephone service provider--I hate Verizon with the passion I usually save for Brit rock 'n' roll or Brit anything as far as that's thrown--anyway, Verizon put this flyer in my bill this month: "Don't Tax Our Web" and under that in blue on blue lettering where it's hard to read, "Defending the Internet From Duplicative, Discriminatory and Hidden Taxes." "Dear Valued Customer [Yeah, Sure! You bastards!], Your Internet access has always been tax free..." Aha, I've already figured it out, Verizon's going up on my bill again saying it's Congress's fault for imposing taxes on Verizon.... This darling epistle ends with "America needs a permanent tax-free Internet." How about the disclosed taxes and surcharges on my phone bill? They come to $18.00 and change this month. Isn't that ridiculous? Does that make sense? I'm paying 50% taxes on these "telephone services" my dear sweet appreciative Verizon is--oh Verizon, you only have me in mind! Bastards! My bill has popped up 20 bucks since the beginning of 2007, it started in January at $57--it had stayed that for years--then suddenly it went to $66 and stayed there a couple'a months and then BOOM this month, WOW, the bill was $75. Verizon has a lot of asterisks in its bill--they are noted in the sidebars of the bill--you have to kind of search for them--one increase on my bill with an asterisk after it referred me to a right given Verizon to double my charge for an "inside wire maintenance" fee--a Verizon repairman or maintenance man hasn't been in my apartment in 20 years--so what in the hell kind of "inside wire maintenance" am I getting for $89.88 a year? Holy shit that makes me fightin' growling going-for-the-throat MAD against this bunch (first they were New York Telephone, then New York-New England Telephone, then NYNEX, and it seems like Bell-Atlantic and NYNEX slept with each other for a spell; and then out of nowhere this multibillionaire telephone company became Verizon. I know it's a combo of vertical and horizon, I was in advertising for too damn many moons to not almost immediately figure out these new brandings these companies go through every ten years or so--especially with advertising agencies--logo changes, then brand changes--such bullshit--and the customers pay for it all, the advertising, the brand changes (a logo change can costs companies millions of bucks), any taxes they're charged--and that's what this Verizon-printed flyer is telling me, "Get ready, sucker, Congress is about to charge us taxes on the billions of dollars we make charging for our various Internet services--and guess who we're passing those taxes on to? Yep, you got it, sucker."
God I hate Verizon. So switch to another phone company or get CABLE, they yell at me--and I curse myself--I am such a F-ing procrastinator--I'll put my own funeral off, he said with stupid hope in his goofed up brain.
Al Gore Gets Nobel Peace Prize
Al Gore wouldn't know PEACE if it hit him square-dab in the face, like Tipper's old c-word hits old Viagra-ed-up Al in his sour mug every night before she relaxes and sinks into her own dreamworld. What does Al's second-handed "saving the world from global warming" have to do with world peace? Interesting use of the prize. [I can see giving it to Bishop Tutu, though I never understood Bishop Tutu's voodooistic approach to his British Occupation Episcopalian pomp and circumstance cleric's position, how he earns his keep, I assume--and a pretty good living it must be, too; Bishop Tutu goes around the world at will it seems like without crimpin' his style or his checkbook much.]
So why did Al Gore get the Peace Prize? I mean, in a mean comparison, Condo-Leasing Rice has been at more Peace Conferences this past year, whether they were all phony and propped up and PR lying-bullshit sessions or not, than Al went to in his whole career, even when he had the Buddhists collecting money for him. I say Al Gore's an American aristocrat like the rest of these Old Line White M-F-ers that rule us (have authority over us). And don't forget, Tipper Gore, Al's lovely wife who'd be first lady and automatically in politics as a result if we cave in a elect old weak-Al president, wanted to censor rock lyrics--she was so-whitey worried back then about her precious white blonde children might start talking like N-worders--"Oh, honeychile, we are in Tennessee for God's racist sake. Tennessee is the birthplace of the Ku Klux Klan, god-dammit, and my blonde daughters ain't marryin' no N-word." "Tipper, shut the fuck up and let me work on my Nobel Prize speech...er-ah, listen to this, baby, 'Fellow Swedes and Friends of Slick Willie Clinton, My Mentor, and Myself, the Inventor of the Internet...[I wait for applause to cease]....'" Doesn't Gore Vidal, who's kin to Al, say Al's about the dullest dumbass he's ever sat and yawned with? How come when Al was vice president he and Slick Willie didn't do anything to help the environment? How come Al didn't fight to stop GAAT and NAFTA and the god-damn Patriot Act; yeah, that's right, Slick Willie gave us that fucking Patriot Act. Al Gore gave us George W. Bush; Al just handed him the presidency without a fight--now he says he knows the election was stolen from him--so hey Al, why the hell aren't you campaigning to get your rightful place in the White House, like make us a movie about how you got the election stolen from you, you fool, you aristocratic fop. You could easily dig deep enough and get evidence for so many Bush illegalities, like showing exactly where the Repug Election Thugs stole the votes from you that cost you the election (like showing evidence that Jebbie Bush and Katharyn Harris stole thousands of black votes from you, made thousands of blacks felons who legally weren't felons in Florida)--but no, you just crack a joke about that now and get back to bragging about your god-damn movie and your god-damn global warming freaking-us-out shit. I've known about global warming and the greenhouse effect at least since the god-damn seventies--I remember environmental groups saying that the Alaskan Pipeline would heat up the tundra enough to melt the Polar ice cap up there--and now, yes, the North Pole is a lake that the F-ing Ruskies take ships up into--they're probably going to build a resort hotel at the North Pole--but I don't remember Al Gore voting against the Alaskan Pipe Line. Also when the Exxon-Valdez gave us the world's largest oil-spill ever--they still haven't cleaned that Alaskan port up even yet--did Al Gore take a leading roll against Exxon--No, he didn't; in fact, check Al's stock portfolio out--you bet there's Exxon-Mobil stock in it; Halliburton of Dubai, too; and maybe even some Carlyle Group shares--check Tipper's stock portfolios out, too--same thing. Al Gore knows where his continuing inheritance comes from--his daddy and his old drooling granpappy on back were tinhorn politicians in Tennessee, one of the finest racist states in the old Confederacy--whoops, I mean Union. By the bye, Al's mentor, Slick Willie, admits that old Pappy Bush is one of his dearest friends, "Why I luv that man." Look at what close'a connection these lyin' dogs were to the old fool bastard who got us involved in the Middle-East bullshit with his invasion of Iraq to go discipline his old pal Sad-damn Hoo-sane, using the sacred Muslim ground of Saudi-Arabia to launch his Persian Gulf War blitzkrieg led by old Stormin' Normin' against the Muslim country of Iraq--thereby kicking off a division in old Pappy's Saudi-Arabian Bandar Bush relatives and their renegade half-ass-brother-son Osama getting pissed that Old Pappy got to use sacred Muslim territory to amass his heathen forces to attack another sacred Muslim territory--plus the Iraq-Iran War is totally ignored--it went on for 8 years and Iraq was armed by the US and Iran was armed by us, too--and Jimmy Cah-tah is running around now babbling double-politico-speak about the mess the world is in today--partly your fault, Jimmy Boy--remember your blundering idiot fool attempt to rescue the hostages from Iran? Old Pappy was working behind Jimmy Cah-tah's back with old Ronnie Raygun--so Iran helps elect Ronnie Raygun president--and the joke goes on and on and on and these people all know each other, they know each others's families, they know each other's history, they know each other's bloodline--why Gores and Bushes have been in politics--why the only reason the Gores are wealthy is because of politics--you don't think Al's all that honest do you?
How did a 14-year-0ld Mickey Mouse Club-made slut get famous so fucking fast?--I mean, does Walt Disney have chips implanted in the foreheads of all these white-Yahoo-silly-fool-idiot-cellphone-brain-damaged-girl-daddy-loving-girly-girls (may I use a Schwartzenneggerism (remember, use a Nazi accent when you talk like Governor Arnie--and, like, when is his steroid usage and tobacco smoking gonna strike him down?)) who cry and foam at the mouth with lovesick-batty eyes and they stick their immature titties out and they shake their little narrow anorexic asses or their big fat cow asses doin' booty showin' and titty showing idolization ritual in mockery of this dumbass kid who is only 14--OK, OK, Frankie Lymon was a knockin'-mamas-up fool at 14, a big star, too--and Little Stevie was a star and knockin'-mamas-up fool, too, when he was 14...and lost-in-childhood Michael Jackson hit it big when he was 12--so, F me, Hannah Montana ain't nothin' new--of course, Hannah Montana is not her real name--Mickey Mouse doesn't like real names--hell, Mickey Mouse is a pimple-faced high-school-goony wearing a wool fool suit around foolin' little dopey kids who really believe that that piece of polyester mouseass is really Mickey Mouse--who was originally just a drawing. Wow! We attach so much importance to our archetypes! Our anthropomorphic gods. Yes, folks, Mickey Mouse is a Christian god; same as Jehovah, 'cept Mickey's got more money than God.
So Hannah Montana don't have to no longer use no banana and pretend she's bangin' Kev Federline or Justin Timberlake (other Mickey Mouse creations); now her booty's shakin' and her boobies are quakin' and her songs are drivin' little numbskull virginias into fits of ferocious and masturbational adoration--thank god our children have another young girl to ruin before she's 18--has Hannah Montana married her childhood sweetheart yet?--hey, come on, Hannah, be the first 14-year-old bride since Jerry Lee Lewis's trailer trash cousin got ahold'a the Killer's balls at 14 to get married--well, Frankie Lymon's topped 'em all there, too, hasn't he; wasn't he married to about 6 women all at the same time?
The Worst-Case Scenario:
1. Rudolph "Mussolini" Guiliani-Goombah wins the presidency in '08. He wins over Obama after accusing Obama of being a black man (good point, say his pals); and he wins over Hillary by accusing her of being a bitch. Hillary backed down and conceded defeat to Rudi with humble adoration, saying she'd work hand-in-hand with him, blah, blah, blah. Rudi has announced his vice-president will be Bernie Keric, his old whorin'-around pal--of course he'll have to pardon Bernie who should be in prison by then. Rudi will announce he's sending his own dumbass son to Iraq in another big patriotic pose--you remember Rudi's rather dimwitted son don't you?--I hate to say it, but he looked like he got on that little short schoolbus every morning he was so dimwitted looking. So get ready for Rudi's lisping a list of your rights he'll be taking away from you during his first year in office. Rudi hates black people with a passion--he's a Brooklyn goombah and most of them hate Blacks; and Rudi hates himself, too, and that makes him even more dangerous--and I can see the possibility of a Rudi Guiliani administration being more inept and squandering that Georgie Porgie Bush's is, daddy's poor little rich mama's boy son--I'll bet G.W. still sucks his thumb at night.
2. The stock market actually falls--the monied interest of the world, that 1% that owns all our money, pull their props out from under the stock market and then announce they're moving it to Newark, New Jersey.
3. New York City Mayor Bloomburg gets his way and we have gambling casinos in Times Square and a new 60,000-seat Jets Stadium where Rockefeller Center once was.
4. The World goes on as is.
"It doesn't matter."
for The Daily Growler
Bomb Iran. They deserve it.
Hey, it's not Burma anymore, folks; and besides, what's wrong with military rule?--they have it in Pakistan; they have it in Iraq; they have it in Israel-Palestine; they have it in the Sudan; they have it in Ethiopia; they have it in Nigeria; they have it in Zimbabwe; they have it in Indonesia; they have it in Ceylon; they have it in Uzbekistan; they have it in Cuba; they have it in the United States....Whaaa?
Darfur? Who cares?
Human life? Not worth the paper it's printed on.
Like this Iraqi guy who was rescued from the brutality of Saddam Hussein by the Freedom on the March US Army:
"PEACE at last," this Iraqi says as he thanks the US Army for his freedom.