The Daily Growler Mother of the Year Award
--The award goes to all celebrity mothers--and you know for sure that includes the dead, too, like Anna Nicole Smith--what a caring mother she was;we mean, pilling-and-boozing out and leaving her little precious white-trash daughter in the clutches of her bisexual daddies--who will she be begging "Love Me, Daddy" from--that Howard Stern fop? They used to call kids like Anna Nicole's kid "bastards"--now they call them "precious little angels."
Our "Mother of the Year Award" also includes both Britney (the 2006 winner of The Daily Growler Trailer Camp Tramp Award) and Kevin Federline, who is probably a better mother than Britney; Kev's feminine side will take over. And we will include Angelina Jolie in the award, too--oh how precious of her to go out on her exotic adoption hunts and pick up some new little angel trophies for her little world baby zoo back home in fabby Beverly Hills--is there any other place to live?--I mean Angelina ain't afraid to go into the jungles of Cambodia or the backwoods areas of Bantu country to get her a little trophy kid. She's a truly great mother in the Mia Farrow tradition. "Hey, Woody, you still taking naked Polaroids of Soon Yee?" Don't you just love our celebrity world, that world of Hollywood idols, false gods, to boot? But, hey, those lucky little bastard celebrity kids--how 'bout Sonny and Cher's brilliant daughter?--even Cher shoved her confused and mixed up broad ass out of the nest and forgot her. Sonny on the other hand, "Senator" Sonny--well, hell, folks, it's hard to ski downhill trying to knock back a extra-snort from the old brandy flask, or was that a little spoon he was snorting from?, and keep skiing straight--"Oh shit, maybe that tree will stop me...." And who replaced "Senator" Sonny in Congress, why his second wife, Representative Mrs. Sonny Bono.
Also, we sadly include the late Princess Di in our "Mother of the Year" award; poor old Di; she might have had Dodi's loaf in the old well-used royal oven they now say. We also notice that Dodi's old filthy rich father is still crowing against old Queen Lizzie ("I say, little woggy servant boy, where did I hide that bottle of medicinal triple malt Scotch?") and saying the old crow had Di and Dodi (oh isn't that precious?) murdered--
Oh how sidetracked we so easily get.
One of our The Daily Growler mothers-of-the-year, yes, it's Mother Britney; don't worry, the kid has a legal California license though his mother doesn't; ah, the good life.
We've Had Requests for...
--a special Merv Griffin tribute--Why? we ask. Merv lived well for an old queen.
--a Willie Nelson interview--OK, we'll ask Willie if he can run his bus on farts rather ruining our environment with that stupid ethanol and bacon drippings Mazola diesel fuel.
--a F the Yankees post--Don't worry; that's'a comin' soon, we're sure--especially since the Bozos lost tonight in one of the most thrilling games in baseball this year, 1-1 through 11 innings--then the Yanks's pissant second-rate closer blew it by walking geeks and hitting batters and he loaded the bases--with two outs in the bottom of the 11th--and BOOM, he gives up a god-damn hit to that Haffner dude--and that's it, Yankees are down 2 games with 2 must-win games coming up at home. The amateurs lost it for the Yanks tonight--Jawbone Chamberlain--he freaked out when gnats attacked him in the bottom of the eighth and the silly young fool ass walked a batter, then the Wahoos sacrificed that runner over, and then Jawbone walked another batter, then gave up a wild pitch, and then had runners on 2nd and third, and then he walked the bases loaded, and then, while we assume he was shitting in his pants, gave up another wild pitch and let the tying run score--he then hit the next batter, walked the next batter, and finally he got the third out--but he blew Andy Pettitte's fine old-pro pitching performance, no runs, 6 hits, a sterling performance for the 2nd-time-around Yankee--so Jabo proves he ain't no wunderkind--gave up one run on no hits! Amazing! And then Luis Vizcayano came in in the bottom of the 11th and threw it all into the toilet. We guess Brian Cashman is getting his ass ripped by the Boss tonight--We hope he is.
thegrowlingwolf is off somewhere watching the Yankees and the Chief Wahoos going at it again tonight--it's in the 11th inning tied at 1, a really great baseball game--so we won't hear from him again until probably Monday. [Yankees lost 2-1]
It's up to us lamebrain staff members, the keepers of The Daily Growler Eternal Flame, to keep you reader(s) entertained with wit and whimsy....but damn, we're tired and want to retire to a quiet corner and peacefully nod out until we awake tomorrow.
Let's dance instead.
for The Daily Growler
Mike Gravel Still Looks Good for President; All the Rest Look a Little Too Fascist for AntiAuthoritarians like US. Viva Nada!