On the Shores of Dirty Lake Erie
thegrowlingwolf and a guy he doesn't really respect much, marvelousmarvbackbiter, The Daily Growler insane sports commentator and Mr. Potatohead look-alike, were seen lurking around Jacobs Field in Cleveland where the Yankees, the precious F-ing Yankees are gonna take on the Cleveland Chief Wahoos in a play-off series to see who plays Boston (they always whip the Angels) for the American League championship. It was reported Willie Randolph in disguise was with them--wearing a pair of those Groucho Marx nose and moustache glasses--though a lot of everyday baseball folks were saying, "Hey, Willie, bad luck, baby," when they saw him trying to sneak into the game under the cover of the Wolf Man and Marv-Marv, though it may have been Rickety Rickie Henderson pretending he was Willie Randolph. "Get a new pitching coach, Willie," some people were shouting at him.
What we're trying to say, so prolixy are we, is that thegrowlingwolf will be religiously immersed in these play-off games as long as his precious Yankees hold out, which may not be that long since Yankee pitching is about as reliable as the Mets's pitchers--their bullpens are about even-steven, except Mariano Rivera is a ten-times better closer than Billy "the Goat" Wagner. The Yankees swept Cleveland 6 games to none in the regular season but it's Katy-bar-the-door tonight with Cleveland's best going against the Yankees's best--the aged and the youth battling to star so that next year their million-dollar salaries will perhaps double based on their this-year's performances. A-Rod, for instance, has one of those I don't have to resign with you if I don't want to options in his largest baseball contract in the history of baseball--and they boo-ed and hissed about the Babe getting 80 thousand a year one year. Ted Williams, we think, was the first baseball player to sign a 100,000 dollar contract. We could go ask Ted's head down in Florida in his hot-ice chest at DisneyWorld--do they have Ted's head up and talking yet? Come on, Modern Science, give us a talking Ted Williams head.
So One Spring Morning Off Spring Street is postponed until at least Saturday when there will be no Yankees-Cleveland game--except, should the Yankees be two down by Saturday, I wouldn't want to read anything written by the sarcastic-bitchy Wolf Man that day.
Jack Cafferty, an Old New York City Local News Anchordude and One-time Wildass Alcoholic, Says the Candidates Are All the Same
Frannie and Zoe, our two-headed girl reporter, watched The View today--Barbra WaWa wasn't there--maybe she was out being pumped full of sheep placenta--but the ditherheadedblonde-one was there, and Joy "the Liberal" Behar was there, and Whoopi Cushion Goldbergerstein Jones was there, and F-Z said another big-fat Star-Jones-looking fat-fat black woman who she didn't recognize was there, too. The fun though was that Jack Cafferty was there; big, cumbersome, hungover-looking Jack Cafferty; and though he was still just a stupid talking head, she said he went off on a tear growling about there being no difference between any of the next-year's early-startin' presidential candidates, they were all liars, they would say anything to get elected, when actually due to the enormous amounts of money they raise in running for an election still over a year off--it's insane, isn't it?--they are beholden not to the public but to the corporations, lobbyist groups, and fat cats who contribute to their multimillion dollar campaign chests (treasure chests). Even Rudi Mussolini has managed to raise 36 million bucks and the media keeps a chart on who is raising the most amount of money--and they are making political forecasts based on those fundraising statistics--why do we assume those figures are correct? How many millions do these egomaniacal idiots sock away in offshore accounts--off the books? It's like getting a blowjob isn't sex and it's the same application here: stealing a few million out of your campaign finances isn't really stealing. God, these moronic fools make you want to puke, except like we said at the tailend of yesterday's post, MIKE GRAVEL looks good to us--nothing to puke about so far with what old Mike's had to say that we've heard him saying. Jack Cafferty likes Ron Paul, but Ron Paul is a fucking Libertarian (a fiduciary Calvinist), that's all he is; hell, Lyndon Laroche is his archangel, plus he's still a fucking Repugnican. Mike Gravel is a real populus Democrat--not a Dumbocrat. Mike's not a political coward either; he's a self-made tough guy, a "real" citizen of the US as he says; Gravel, a Canuck name, actually; his parents were French Canadians. That could be seen as a minus in a lot of communities. Jack Kerouac was a Canuck, so Mike Gravel can't help where he's from, it's where he's going that interests we here at The Daily Growler. Dennis Kucinich is OK, but there's something screwy about him; he reminds us of Governor Jerry "the Buddhist" Brown--full of good intentions but with no way of imposing them on anyone. Jolly Jerry did become mayor of Oakland; now Ron "Turncoat" Dellums is mayor of Oakland.
They're all morons however; and we are dominated by morons. Britney Spears, an insult to motherhood, an insult to family planning, an insult to even her own trailer-camp trash swamp-baby background, gets more media coverage than anything happening in Iraq--nothing is ever reported about Afghanistan. I mean, there are daily mass tragic events going on in Iraq; yet there is not one peep and a half about Iraq on media news--maybe on CABLE there is, but not much even on CABLE--how about our phony "president" acting in a totally irresponsible way, like a little spoiled rich boy with a chip on his shoulder, and this weasel is reported all day long in the media as a great leader, a John Wayne type, as a man of great thought--I heard one dude with half his head up Georgie Porgie's ass saying he thanked god (again, these jerks never say which god they are referring to) GWB was "president" when 9/11 happened and that that must have been a will of god (and again, do you know which god he means?) he became "president"...blah, blah, blah, bullshit, infinitum bullshit.
We are tired of bullshit. We prefer our own thegrowlingwolf's bullshit to that of our leaders and controllers of our future. DOOMSDAY's a comin'--but like Jack Cafferty said on The View, "Hell, I'm 64 years old, I don't give a shit about what happens to America because I won't be around to see it, but I'm worried about the young ones in my family I'm leaving behind. Doesn't look like they're gonna have much fun in life if we don't change directions in this country." Right on, Jackson, and pass that bottle over here to us--wipe the top off first.
for The Daily Growler
There he is, folks, teevee's own Jack "Hic-cough" Cafferty.
Mike Gravel. How could you not like old Mike? At least he got a good set of false teeth out of the taxpayers. Except, Mike may have made those teeth himself out in his garage.
Bulletin From Cleveland:
The Yankees are getting beaten brutally in Cleveland tonight--it's 11-3 in the eighth [the game is now over]. The Yanks have been stunned; they can't hit any of the Cleveland pitchers; they couldn't score on Sabbathia even though he walked about 6, loaded the bases twice with no outs once and still came through it only giving up 3 runs. The Yankees star pitcher, Wang Wang Wang, another super-Asian, winner of 19 games this year, gave up bales and bales of hits tonight when it was most important he pitch his ass off, and then he started handing out free runs; then he walked 4, and since he'd given up only 9 home runs in 200 innings before tonight, nope, but not tonight, nope, tonight he gave up 2 home runs, one to a dude who hadn't hit a home run in his life. Joe Torre managed rather weakly tonight; he put in a total babbling idiot rookie (from Princeton baseball to the Majors, can you imagine?) and Joe put him in in a crucial situation--it was only 6-3, but by the time this rookie bastard gave up a couple a hits, a double and then, of course, a home run, soon it was 9-3 Chief Wahoos. Joe left this college ace in and well, you guessed it, the dumb ass gave up a couple more runs, and it was soon 11-3. So, the Yankees start off scary. That's the way they've played all year. Since 2000, teams that have won the first game of playoffs have lost their playoffs. The last time the Yankees were clobbered in the first game of a play-off series, they went on to make the World Series.
How embarrassing is it for the Mets that Colorado is whipping the Phillies as easy as pie. How embarrassing to all the National League teams that the Rocky Rockies like have won about 15 straight games--
The Yankees's young phenom star, Phil Hughes, just gave up a monster home run to some Chief Wahoos bum--and now he's walkin' a dude--Whoaaaa, Nellie...
It's like Caligula feedin' Christians to the lions.
Baseball sucks when your favorite team sucks.
Here's Marianne Moore's "Baseball and Writing," Whether You Despise Her or Not; She Was a Yankee Fan