Saturday, January 27, 2007

Teevee Mama, With the 21-inch Screen

From Woggies to Bush Babies
I watched a teevee show this early Saturday morning. I had a god-damn cold--I haven't been sick in 6 years at least, not since New Year's Eve 1999, and I didn't really get sick then until I woke up in 2000 in a paradisiacal situation--I loved them both--but with a Roman Legend-type cold--and it was a bitterly cold night and I was hot and roaring sweaty from having lead the hot band at this hot, hot club that night--I remember we had two countdowns because we had a phony one first when we thought it was midnight but the clock in the club was five minutes fast so we had to do it over--timed this time by Unka Dick Clark, before the midnight stroke that wiped him off the teevee screen--remember, Mister Perpetual Young! Anyway, we followed Dick's ball as it descended--ah, what a lurid eve that was, the last time I remember having a cold.

Anyway, this teevee show I watched was hosted by an Indian gentleman of Islamic bent talking with a man who looked more like a Bulgarian than Indian and they were talking about how globalization had helped India to become one of the greatest countries in the world today--why, son of a bitch, the Indian railway system runs profitably, the Indian gentleman said--it ran at a billion-rupee profit last year. OK, I'm impressed, though Mussolini did that in Italy in WWII so that doesn't prove to me that a country is one of the greatest countries in the world. According to the US of A geniuses you cannot run a railroad profitably anymore--look at poorly managed and operated AmTrak; in fact, we don't even need railroads anymore. General Motors went about championing the trolley bus, the motor bus, the truck, and the automobile while digging up streetcar tracks all over the nation and running roadbeds over with concrete and clover leaves and throughways that aren't throughways at all but stop-and-go ways, clogged ways, clogged with poison-producing petroleum-fueled behemoth machines--ALL HAIL THE AUTOMOBILE AND THE BUS AND THE TRUCK AND THE SUV--a stationwagon on a truck chasis (the cheapest chasis there is to build in the auto industry). The SUV comes by heritage from the Jeep in WWII--the Jeep being Popeye's weird dog in the flickers.

So these two dudes on this Praise India teevee show started talking about jobs leaving the US and going to India as great for India and also great for the US. Take a guess why these two clowns were saying outplacing Amurican jobs to India was a good thing for the US of A--US outsourcers, of course, are saving about 10 dollars an hour per outsourced job, I summed up from the math they were throwing around--the average US worker making $15 an hour (I would challenge that, but....) and the average Indian making $5 an hour--thus freeing up millions of dollars for US of A companies (the outsourcers) to reinvest in the US of A, thus creating more jobs in the US. Wow. Amazin', amazin', amazin'. Like the Indian said, where $5-an-hour in the US is poverty, in India it's wealth! And that leads me to yet another astounding reason why the US benefits from outsourcing our jobs to India: BECAUSE India as a result has become one of the biggest backers of the USA in its political struggles around the world, especially, the Indian dude added, since the US gave India nuclear secrets so it can now make some more nukes so it will have the same knowledge of making nukes the USA had already given Pakistan...and the beat goes on. Yep, Indians are now Bush Babies, love the Iraq War, love Hollywood, love driving BMWs (whoops, that's not an America automobile, is it? or is it? do we really know who owns Bavarian Motor Works cars these days), love eating at McDonald's and getting huge greasy fat like huge greasy fat Amuricans-- and looking like their Indian counterparts here in NYC and living out in Flushing, Queens. "Smarmy" is the British word for an Indian's plumpness and skintone. Oh those clever Brits. So perfect in their Anglo-Saxon ignorance.

Then the Bulgarian-looking dude says, hey, India now is the leading pro-USA country in the world, along with, listen to these choice lands of great democracy: Nigeria, Japan, Britain, and Poland! Yahoooo I started crying and wolf-jumping around for joy. Hot damn. How proud I am to have the Nigerians, the Japs, the Brits, and POLAND! in back of me as I march freedom madly around the world. Oh joy, Oh boy. They didn't mention the Pakis at all during their bullshit--lame bullshit, too; uneducated bullshit; of course, the Pakis are our much-stronger allies. I wolfshit ya, of course.

Meanwhile, DOOM looms nearer and nearer as we enter the remaining years of Georgie Porgie's rule and ruin. I'm predicting, and I'm not a soothsayer, that come 2008 when Hilary wins in a landslide over Jeb that Georgie Porgie will not relinquish his crown--a crown of thorns--the sign of martyrs--and not the crown of jewels he thinks it is. Yep, G.W. Bush, the worst of the litter, will finally announce that this country is now owned lock, stock, and barrel by a combo group headed by the Bin Ladin/Bush Families, the Saudi Arabian royal family, and the CEOs of Exxon Mobil and Halliburton, one of which may be Donald "Put 'em on the Rack" Rumsfeld--anyway, I'm with India, George W. Bush forever!!!

I mean can you imagine the hatchet job the Repugs (a pack of millionaire crooks) are going to do on Hilary and Obama? They're already calling Obama Osama! I mean come on. And if Obama's mother is white, why isn't he referred to as a black-white person? I know, the Repugs call them "mixed breeds"--language straight off the ole Plantation. Hand me my banjo, mammy, we gonna cook some squeezin's up and party hearty down in the holler! Yeeee doggies! George W. Bush forever.

for The Daily Growler

Bye the bye, another 100 or so folks in Baghdad were blown to bits this morning while people were booing dear, sweet, pro-Amurican Leonardo (Leonard) Di Caprio. Baghdad's All-Democratic Government sent it regards to Leonardo.

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