Football

I Want My Quarter Back
I am not really a very good football fan. I watch it but not seriously. I have an old friend who graduated from Ohio State and you'd think OSU hung the F-ing moon. My old friend was such a dedicated Buckeye, he followed the team around the country every year, living in California, and flying either back to Columbus for the home games or flying wherever the hell they were playing; he did that every year I knew him, 5 years, even going to the Rose Bowl one year.

Like I say, I'm not really a football fan. I'm a baseball fan. So I can't wait for football season to be over because that means the pitchers and the catchers are heading for spring training in about a month and then comes March and then comes April and another baseball season. I can't wait; I hope this year's only half as exciting as last year was I'll be one wholly happy boy!

In the meantime, I am watching Ohio State and Florida in the so-called best teams in the country. I think it should be Boise State instead of Florida, the only other undefeated team in the country who beat Oklahoma in another bowl from Glendale, Arizona; does Frito-Lay own the Fiesta Bowl? How stupid is naming your various sports arenas after corporations? It makes no sense except in terms of making more money. Like Enron Field in Houston; that's my favorite; they should now call it Kenny Boy Lay Stadium.

So Ohio State scored right off the bat. But Florida has come back fast and it's 7-7 in the early moments of the 1st quarter.

When I was a kid in far West Texas, my first year in high school, the first football game, we tied a team from just up the road east, a lower rated school. That was in September; after that tie, for the rest of my high school years, our football team did not tie any other games nor did they lose any games--3 years I went there and then they also were undefeated the year after I graduated. That team set the US high-school win streak record with 49 straight wins. During that same time, the University of Oklahoma under Bud Wilkenson, set the college football winning streak record with 49 straight wins--my high school team was written up all over the country due to its record streak coming at the same time Oklahoma was setting theirs. Only one kid from all those winning teams went on to play pro ball, with the Detroit Lions, though he didn't do much in the pros. One of the Oklahoma stars was Darrell Royal who went on to become the greatest coach ever in the history of Texas University football.

I went to a lot of high school football games because I was madly in love with one of the cheerleaders. I also knew the kid whose dad ran the concessions at the stadium so I got a lot of free Cokes and hot dogs and stuff. Plus, my brother for a while was a sports columnist for the local newspaper, and he took me with him to a lot of games to spot for him.

My attending football games was more social than it was due to my thirst for football. I played baseball, ran track (I loved track & field more than anything), and played golf. I eventually won a half-semester golf scholarship to where I went to college, which the year before had won the NCAA golf championship. I didn't make the team; sorry. I still love golf and just bought me an almost full set of golf clubs, from the 1950s, Golfcraft's Lloyd Mangrum signature clubs with black fiberglass shafts, really beautiful clubs, all of them except 3 woods. I can still hit the ball pretty good, especially good irons, but I'm a terrible player when it comes to concentration; I play golf like I play chess, with more ferocity than skill.

Florida has just scored again and it's still the first quarter. Ohio State is the team of the media; oh shit, they trumpet the glory of Ohio State with the same vigor that year-after-year New York televisions shows every Notre Dame game, not matter how sorry their football program is; I assume that's because of New York's big Catholic community. The Big East is an old Catholic basketball league, did you ever know that? Big East football is now pretty damn good; the Louisville Cardinals were ranked in the top ten this year. Rutgers is the only team to beat the Cardinals this year; Rutgers, too, was undefeated until they went to West Virginia and folded, losing big and losing their chance at a top ten rating.

Could Boise State have beaten either Ohio State or Florida? Hell yeah. That coach out there is the trickiest dude in football. Boise uses two quarterbacks in their formations--one a double-duty threat as a good runner and passer. Florida, too, uses two quarterbacks in their backfields occasionally; they've used that once tonight for a big gain and then another time for a touchdown.

Oh well. I'm hungry, but I'm gonna watch this championship football game. I guess I'm rooting for Florida, but to be honest, I could care less who wins.

Florida just intercepted a sacred pass from the saintly Buckeyes--they, if they keep this up, will tear the poor old Buckeyes a new you-know-what-hole. Who says Ohio State is unbeatable? All things are beatable. [Florida 21 to OSU 7 in first quarter.]

Come on baseball!!!

thegrowlingwolf
for The Daily Growler


What a Wimpy Post
Does anyone really care what thegrowlingwolf thinks about football? What a wimp. He likes track & field! Oooooh, what a man! A golf scholarship. Oooooh, where's my mommy? Football is a mean sport and football players are the dumbest brutes who get college degrees--most of them get degrees in beer distributorships or weight-room management.

Have you noticed that college bands haven't changed their styles since the 1880s. Such cornball music? Band directors are mostly failed choir directors aren't they?

God, we hate football. Football players are jerk offs; one told me one time they had penis-measuring contests all the time or they had circle jerks--you know what a circle jerk is? I once dated a football player while I was taking a cattle rustling course at Sul Ross University out in the deserts of a lost area of Texas just before you get to the Chisos Mountains. This football player got so wimpy nervous that when I put my hand on him, he wet his pants and went crying for his mommy leaving me stranded in his pick-up truck.

Who cares about the University of Okie-homoans's 49-straight victories. That was back in the dark ages anyway. T-formation days! The shotgun was comin'! Football players are so dumb, they carry play lists on their wrists. Football coaches are one step away from being choir directors. God, I hate football. Crap on the Buckeyes. Crap on the Gators. I like Swarthmore girls's field hockey; now that's an F-ing tough sport, girly men.

Today's thegrowlingwolf post reads like it was written by Georgie Porgie, our fraudulently elected "president," it's wimpy like that.

Come on, Wolf Man, get some balls.

franny&zoe/two-headedgirlreporter
for The Daily Growler