Saturday, December 30, 2006

Two Great Americans Dead: Jerry Ford & Saddam Hussein

Gerald Rudolph Ford
Wanna hear something funny as hell? Currently on every channel on network teevee, and this includes the chump channels like Fox, My TV (formerly Universal TV), and C TV (formerly Michigan Frog's Warner Bros. TV--the WB, remember?), they are covering the funeral parade of Gerald Ford, his old gone body being hauled around rainy Washington, District of Corruption, as though they'd found out he was god or something. This character who Lyndon "Big Balls" Johnson said couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time, this Congressman who checked in on the golf course more often than he checked into the Senate, this dude who was never elected president and when he did run for president got his ass crushed by Jimmy "Peanut Balls" Carter is being idolized by the Amurican media. Amazing! This boring jerk was only "president" for 3 years, one year without a vice president and then two years with old Mr. Goody Two Shoes, Nelson "Burn Attica to the Ground" Rockefeller, one of the most obnoxious human beings to ever live, even more obnoxious than his predator grandfather, John D. Rockefeller. The only major skullduggery Jerry "How 'Bout a 'Round'a Golf With Me and Bob Hope?" Ford commited was pardoning our major crook of those years, an elected president, Richard Milhouse (where do you think The Simpsons got the name?) "Tricky Dick" "Mr. Checkers" Nixon, an abomination to humankind much less his poor ole alcoholic wife, Pat. Damn, a lot of presidents have had alcoholic wives, haven't they? Including old Jerry Ford, right?

Jerry Ford was a lucky son of a bitch. Thanks to Spiro Agnew being just a dumbass crook and getting his prolixy ass fired and after he was on his way to prison, Jerry got to be vice president, picked by his old pal, Tricky Dick Nixon (I don't remember Tricky Dick getting this kind of hero treatment when he died--I don't even remember the Repugnicans even mentioning the Tricky One's name at their last laughable convention--in fact, in their last 4 laughable conventions--Raygun's their vaunted hero now--Ronnie Raygun, our only president to have Alzheimer's disease, though even with Alzheimer's folks thought Ronnie was still the Great Communicator.

Jerry Ford, however, was not thought of as a great anything, not even by the Repugnicans. Wasn't Ford totally forgotten, too, by the Repugs over the next few elections?

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He's the American people; yes, We the People; you and me. We are Santa Claus when we give a bum like Gerald Ford for serving 3 pitiful unelected years still the same privileges a president like FDR or, more up to date, Tricky Dick Nixon, Slick Willie Clinton, and old Flappy-Pappy Bush get: keeping his 250,000-a-year salary for the rest of his life, along with office space paid for, and Secret Service protection, franking privileges, and improvements to his mansion in Palm Springs, where Jerry Ford in retirement got to play F-ing golf day-in and day-out from 1977 until his death at 92, almost 30 years of leisurely privilege--plus, yes, Jerry did get his Gerald Ford Library and Museum in Grand Rapids built with taxpayers's money (there weren't any books in the Gerald Ford Library last time I looked--and there was only a set of golf clubs and a wad of chewing gum in the museum). Plus, Jerry's nutjob wife, Betty-- OK, OK, so she beat cancer, so what; OK so she was hooked on drugs for years, so what--still, We the People put Betty in the Hollywood help business with her famous Betty Ford Clinic, where she put celebrity drug heads to work cleaning toilets and humiliating them and thus saving them the old Grand Rapids Calvinist way making them "work for the night is coming when they'll work no more"--"Oh, thank you, Betty, for making me clean those toilets and finding Jesus and shit like that. Now, can I go back to my F-ing free-as-a-bird Hollywood life?--can I get back to screwing around and spreading illegitimate children all over the LA area, doing dope, carrying firearms, and smashing my latest overpriced sports car into light poles and other drivers with impunity? Hail Betty Ford. " Oh, wait a minute. See, talking about Betty Ford and I totally lost track of her husband, what was his name? Oh, yeah, Jerry "Calvinist" Ford. How quickly we forget. But teevee is covering his funeral procession as though he were the Repugnican JFK. Oh, I forgot, Squeaky Frome tried to eliminate Jerry by shooting him in the gut with a peashooter. Why the hell would anybody, even a total nutjob like Squeaky, try to kill Jerry Ford? I guess God wanted to...and he succeeded.

So here's to that great Amurican unelected president of 3 years--smeared in his only attempt to be elected President by Jimmy "Mr. Peanut" Carter, currently being childishly berated for blaming the Middle East problems on Israel (you can't blame Israel for anything--Gawd protects them--they are Chosen, remember?) in one of his latest books--another ex-president living a damn good retirement life on We the People's hard-earned monies. I raise a glass of Stroh's beer to old Jerry "Fore" Ford. Amuricans mourn his passing--Hey, holy crap, wait a minute, the old bastard was 92 years old. It's time he was being taken off the dole.

Another Great Amurican Is Dead
Well, I was certainly gratified to hear that finally they'd hanged old Saddam ("Saa-Dam Hoosane," as Pappy "the Wimp" Bush used to call him) Hussein by his Bathist neck. Like a good Amurican, Saddam kept his mouth shut to the very end, never revealing how he was a product of the CIA, put into power by the US, supported by the US, Rummy Rumsfeld one of his creators--yeah, and it was Rummy who probably hung those lurid photos of the twins in Saddam's sons's palaces. You do remember we killed Saddam's sons early in our Freedom on the March campaign, just before the "Mission Was Accomplished"? Yep. But, today, Little Georgie Porgie, our "president," was all cheery and bright and ready for another "Mission Accomplished" photo-op with the dead body of old neck-broken Saddam. "That's for my daddy," Little Georgie Porgie was heard to be trumpeting about the halls of the All-White House. "Now, my daddy's gotta like me better than Jeb, dammit. I've taken the wimp out of my daddy's name and have killed the man who tried to kill my old pappy. Now, pappy, I'm the man of the family, you old fart. Did I say that? Whoooo, I'm a tough cowboy, ain't I? Hey, Pickles, save me a hit on that mezzroll I smell you smoking back thar in the Lincoln Log Room."

So, America, don't you feel a hell of a lot safer tonight? A guy who we put into power and who had no weapons of mass destruction and nothing to do with 9/11. Praise the Lard. Boy, howdy, I ain't afraid no more. Thank you, Appointed President and Never Honestly Elected "President" Georgie Porgie Puddin' 'N Pie W. Bush, and, by God, that "W" doesn't stand for Wimp, it stands for "Warrior." Hot damn! I feel a Nobel Peace Prize going Georgie Porgie's way next time. Thank you, "President" Bush and the good People of Iraq for ridding the world of this horrible man of terror and destruction. For supposedly killing 30,000 Kurds with poison gases [No, it wasn't for that he was hanged--see end of post] and biological warfare weapons we had given him under Ronnie Raygun, Unka Dick, and Rummy Rumsfeld's other lives, he has paid the price. In the meantime, Georgie Porgie's role in all this Iraq mess is that he's only killed 3,000 Amurican troops, almost ruined the U.S. Army, has stolen more than a trillion dollars from the Amurican treasury and the Iraq oilfields, plus, he has killed over 65,000 innocent Iraqis in order to imposed his will (his George Will--get it?) on the People of Iraq, now in a mess of a Civil War, though that's been America's policy of war since Washington went out after the bloody nuisance Native Americans in West Virginia and Pennsylvania oh those many white history years ago now, invading countries and then weaseling out after these countries are split in half north vs. south, the same thing that is happening in Iraq today as the people of Iraq have Saddam's funeral procession--what--they're watching the Gerald Ford funeral procession, too! Iraq is being divided into a North Iraq and a South Iraq. The oilfields are in the North this time--and we rarely are able to ever conquer a part of the division we set up that is designated North--America still feels bad about our South losing the Civil War--after all, those hillbilly southern murderers were good ole Whites, pure as the driven snow. White still stands for purity in this nation. Black stands for oil not people.

thegrowlingwolf
for The Daily Growler

Here Are the Charges Against Saddam--Why He Was Hanged

From CNN: Hussein was convicted on November 5 of crimes against humanity in connection with the killings of 148 people in the town of Dujail after an attempt on his life.

The dictator was found guilty of murder, torture and forced deportation.

The Dujail episode falls within 12 of the worst cases out of 500 documented "baskets of crimes" during the Hussein regime.

The U.S. State Department says torture and extrajudicial killings followed the Dujail killings and that 550 men, women and children were arrested without warrants.

My God, what a demon. Look at Georgie Porgie's killing record. How about 157 persons on the Texas Death Row?



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