Snow Job

Blizzard Hits New York City
Nobody showed up today at the magnificent hi-rise underground offices of The Daily Growler except me and I'm a horse--not a talking horse, no teevee star me, but an editing horse--and I'm here by nature of my stable being a floor down from this office in which I now sit uncomfortably--my big horse's butt just doesn't fit in one of these human monkey chairs--and that's what humans are to plain ole ordinary horses--big monkeys--monkeys who enjoy grooming things, like horses--groom, groom, groom, like a bunch of monkeys--just like a bunch of monkeys--we horses call it a form of human monkey masturbation--but then masturbation to a horse is another world.

It is snowing like Paradise Lost outside--though it hasn't hampered the construction noises from next door getting more and more irritatingly disruptive--to the point that if I were a human monkey I think I'd be taking an AK-47 to those bastards making the noise--and it's an awful noise even to a horse.

I've put a little Lester Young on the office stereo so I'm sort of horsing around here like a damn be-bop horse--pretending to be a reporter...

"And in the news today, same ole shit, a couple of murders in the outer boroughs, 2 babies and an old geezer bought the farm in a spectacular fire in Duh Bronx, and the billionaire mayor has declared war on all poor people by raising property taxes, taxes that will be passed on to renters and consumers and condo owners--in other words, the human monkeys will be paying off the debts incurred by incompetent human monkey know-nothings...."

Hey, I rather enjoyed that. That was a horse reporting the news. How 'bout that, monkeys?

I'll probably lose a chance at a big stud fee for writing this. thegrowlingwolf perhaps could emasculate me--wolves go for the lower extremities when they are at their predatory best. The belly is the weak point on all animals, their most vulnerable area to mortal wound. Horses aren't predatory so I'll simply swift kick your ass if you try and gobble into my stomach area--I'll drop kick your ass back to the Stone Age--don't horse around with me. Horses can bite, too--damn right we can!

I had an uncle who was a circus horse--he trotted around this ring with a human monkey on his back for his hay and grooming. I've heard him joking about getting in a bad-ass mood during rehearsals and dumpin' the human monkey straight out and on her dumb ass--and then horse laugh about it. Of course, he never fucked up during a big-time show--where he was the star horse for several successful years--he's out in a pasture now just outside Sarasota, Florida, studdin' like he was a Roman emperor around a flock of young boy human monkeys.

Do I think a horse will ever be elected president of the USA? Probably not, but I'll bet a lot of horse's asses will be elected to the job; what do you bet?

I'm jivin' around the room here to Prez--coolin' my hooves to his jump and drive--whoaaaa, Nellie...I'm having a fun like a barrel of human monkeys!

Y'all take a snow day,

mredtheeditinghorse
for The Daily Growler