Monday, July 13, 2009

Life in New York City--Tedium Vitae

The Valley of Boredom
One of the boringest things in my life is television. Commercial television is totally unwatchable. Commercial teevee is 24/7 sales pitching; it pitches conspicuous-consumption lifestyles. It pitches celebrity projects, like the latest movies from its sideline movie production industry (i.e., Rupert "Australian Egomaniac" Murdoch owns 20th-Century Fox; Disney owns ABC; and CBS owns Paramount); it pitches its own celebrities and it pitches its own new-season shows or it pitches its contracted has-been stars trying for yet another comeback show (like Brooke Shields getting teevee shows though all her shows fail--or like this unfunny Southern geek comic, Jeff Southworthy, getting shows and all his shows failing--or like that Black guy, Robert Townsend, who for years got teevee show after teevee show, all of them failing); or it pitches really old has-been stars in some PR scheme: i.e., like Valerie Bertinelli getting grossly overweight, depressed, pilled up, and sickly due to her years of fucking around with Van Halen and those sex-drug-and-rock-and-roll wastrels until some ad agency came up with Jenny Craig taking old fat depressed ex-teevee show stars and resurrecting them so they can fulfill whatever new contracts their agents have gotten them--so now Valerie is back in the commercial teevee headlines--she's on the Tyra Show, she's on Rachel Ray, she's on the Bonnie Hunt Show (I kid you not--anybody know who Bonnie Hunt is?--she's on her second comeback), and she's on the late night talks that nobody really watches. Or it's due time for another Donny and Marie comeback, Donny and Marie being expert at comebacks--they have one every 3 years or so. Commercial teevee is perpetually pitching 24/7 things like: senior-citizen hustles: AARP insurance schemes and the tons of senior-citizens life insurance peddlers or Medicare Plan D extra-coverage schemes (Plan D a criminal scheme between G.W. Bush and the big pharmas (remember, George stole 2 national elections--that's one more stolen election than the Iranian Power Elite has just stolen from its people). Plan D is a scheme to make We the People pay extra for our Medicare prescription drugs in order to fatten up big pharma profits at the expense of our poor and senior citizens (why doesn't Medicare use generic drugs, I ask?). Commercial teevee also hustles old folks by pitching power-chair packages (those little rascals cost big bucks, folks--and Medicare will pay for them), diabetes-testing materials and supply deliveries, senior citizen diapers. Commercial teevee also pitches the outrageous; it pitches a music that is so boring it's sleep inducing--young amateur singers and bands made famous on the many amateur hour variety shows on commercial teevee--most with several Brit judges on their panels. It pitches the stock market; it pushes the fear of disruptive weather always "maybe" approaching; it pushes government and corporate propaganda; it pushes Repugnican Party politics and leans heavily toward Repugnican/Neo-Con points of view to the point of never giving an opposite argument, like true Liberal (or lefty) views or any nonconformist ideologies. It pushes big insurance; it pushes tons of brands of cars 24/7, all of them speeding ferociously along highways, city streets, cars that can go 160 mph (why does a car have to go that fast?); it pushes sorry little cheaply "made-in-China" products in its 24/7 infomercials--cheap crap that once you get it in your house and use it one time, you throw it in the garbage and swear you're not going to buy anything from teevee hucksters ever again--then on comes Ron Popeil with a new Showtime hot-air-type cooking machine and you're ordering one even though you are certain they make soggy totally sick food. Or perhaps you fall prey to old fucker Jack LaLanne or consistently dying Montel Williams and buy one of their overpriced blenders--Jack calls his cuisanard food blender a "juicing machine," which he had nothing to do with in terms of design or manufacturing--working for whatever juicer company will hire him as their spokesman. Montel the ex-Fox star who lost his syndicated show when Rupert "Jerking Off While Looking in a Mirror" Murdoch heard him saying the USA was neglecting its injured and mentally fucked up Iraqi and Afghan War vets and fired his ass--sells you a high-blown blender as a wonder machine under his Living Well trademark--and as an insult to old Jack LaLanne, Montel has hired away Jack's sales-pitching sidekick, the "noted television celebrity" Paige Somebody, a woman who until Jack LaLanne's 24/7 infomercials was totally unknown--except maybe like Billy Mays, the teevee sales whiz who just fell dead from a massive coronary (the teevee good life killed him), she came from the Home Shopping Network. I mean, she's so unknown, I can't even remember her name.

I'll readily admit I watch a lot of teevee; teevee is a window on the world to me--on the real made-up world--a fictional world most of us believe is the real world. Sometimes I relax watching shows I've seen multiple times. Like I just watched an old Channel 21 (Long Island, New York teevee) production made in 1995 where they fly in a helicopter over the whole of Scotland--a really beautiful country, by the way, the country of my mother's ancient relatives (I've actually seen my great-grandmother make the horrible Haggis)--the Scottish Highlands and the far north mountain ranges are some of the ruggedest-looking landscape I've ever. This is about the 5th time I've watched this flyover; there are several others: flying over Italy, England, Germany, Austria, and New York City. They repeat these flyover shows constantly, which is another problem with commercial teevee: these constantly repeated shows. New productions are few and far apart. PBS is the worst. I don't think PBS has produced a new television show in ten years or more. Last night I watched another repeat of this series of White-produced blues "movies" introduced by Martin Scorsese, The Road to Memphis--and guess what, folks? A White-produced "blues music movie" is BORING! White people no matter their celebrity just don't understand Black music, though they try so hard to make you think they do. Like Clint Eastwood is supposed to be a jazz expert and I suppose Clint is a true jazz aficionado, I'll give him that leeway, but as far as understanding jazz--I don't think so! I'll bet if you mentioned "classical inventio" and how it's used in jazz old Clint would have no idea what the hell you were talking about. I hope I'm wrong--I've seen him playing the piano and he's not bad though he's not good either. I could kick his ass any night of the week. No brag, just fact.

What else is boring me these days? Young people. They are so untalented. They are bright and vervey and sassy and giggly BUT dumb--AND, they are boring. Young musicians are totally boring. Young playwrights are lost in their own egos. What do the young really know about anything? Especially love. I listen to these amateur girl songwriters singing about love. As Tina Turner sang, "What's love got to do with it?" But then, these young romantic dizzyheads will learn that when they hit 50 like Tina did many years ago now. And as to hip-hop! BORING! I was listening to the Wu Tan Gang the other evening on our city school channel (they are inveterate show repeaters, too, especially their specialty shows, some which have been rerunning over and over since they were made in the early 2000s. I defy anyone to sing me a Wu Tan Gang song in its entirety and I mean in terms of lyrics--I mean the way these amateur doggerel mechanics rattle off their lyrics, there's no way a teeny hip-hopper can remember that jumble of words and their egomaniacal meanings!


And how many more Borat movies do we have to endure? Of course this racist guy sells to the White teeny-airheads at the box office--his latest dumbass ethnic slandering movie, "Bruno," is the number one movie currently.

By the way, speaking of current-day comics! BORING! Not funny, especially the White ones. Some of the Black women are funny--the fatter they are the funnier they are. Clowns is what they really are. They evolve from Mae West and they laugh at their own jokes, which are mostly the same kind of sexual innuendo material Mae West was using back in the 20s when she hit Hollywood at the age of 40. Or like sexual-innuendo humor of Sophie Tucker--Jewish woman comedienne humor--you can trace it from Fanny Brice, Mae West, on down through Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, through Roseanne Barr (remember when Roseanne accused her father of molesting her when she was six months old? Tore her father up--but then Jewish girls do like hating their restrictive fathers, don't they?), and up to today's Jewish girl comics like Sarah Silverstein.

And the City of New York is getting Boring! The same-old tacky, cracker-boxes-on-end buildings going up all over the place, in every New York City community--hi-rises growing up wild like weeds in Manhattan. Plain Jane buildings that rise high enough where they can sell the top 15 floors and make their expenses back--leaving the other 50 floors free to glean tons of profits from overpriced rents or overpriced hotel charges! Tourists, no matter what country they are visiting, are the easiest suckers in the world to bilk! Tourists are one dumb bunch of BORING individuals--and trashy, too. Fifth Avenue now looks like the Fresh Kills Dump its so lined with garbage on the curb, paper trash blowing all over the sidewalks, more and more pigeons making comebacks in thick flocks on our filthy sidewalks, sidewalks pocked with those black spots that I'm told are from people spitting out their chewing gums while walking along--I can't believe people spit out that much gum--every sidewalk in New York City has these black spots all over them. That's a hell of a lot of gum being chewed by one and all. I haven't chewed a stick of chewing gum in nearly 13 years now--I used to stuff my mouth with a package of Dentyne or Big Red when I wanted to take the beer and licker off my breath--or when I woke up in a strange bed right at time to go to work and I wasn't able to brush my teeth--so hell I chewed up a package of Big Red and my breath was as fresh as a daisy. "Hey, Wolfie, you're wearing the same clothes you left work wearing last night and you have BO that ranks alongside the filthiest male locker room in Kabul, but, boy howdy, does your breath smell good, like Big Red, right?"

Broadway? BORING. Nothing but reruns--Broadway calls them revivals! "Guys and Dolls"--BORING! Fantasia starring in yet another revival of "Chicago"? BORING. [I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pick on poor little amateur Fantasia--she just had her Beverly Hills mansion foreclosed on; she's living in a motel in Pismo Beach now (I'm being facetious)--her and that big fat Burger-King-hamburger-eating Black runnerup dude, Ruben Whaz-'is-name--he had his mansion foreclosed on, too. BORING.

The New York Times? BORING. The New York Post--best used as an emergency umbrella--otherwise, BORING. The New York Daily News--I wouldn't know, I haven't read a Daily News in many a moon.

The Mayor of New York City, though he's devastating the city, disrupting it, changing its neighborhoods for the worst, giving city land and buildings away to his hedge-fund and developer buddies--yes, he's totally ruining the city, but he's BORING! He's as boring as any rich guy! And trust me, rich guys are some of the boringest bastards alive. Can you imagine how boring it would be to hang with Donald Trump and his latest trophy wife? You know what you'd talk about? Why Donald Trump, of course, and how BORING is that?

Little spoiled brat rich boys rule us. We the People can't do a damn thing without these worthless brats letting us do it. The New York City Power Elite is ensconced in their Manhattan penthouses and their Hampton getaway mansions--we never see them, except when one of their high-speeding limos nearly runs us down. If you look at the skyline of Manhattan, you can see where most of the Power Elite and their Baby Boomer-children wannabes live--all the high floors. New York City currently is the Capital of Fascism in the USA. We are ruled by a Plutocrat Mayor, the 5th richest man in the USA--and that means world--and a City Council made up of spoiled brats and just plain political rats. And forget about New York State politics--the current charades going on up in Albany is for the most part exceptionally BORING!

We live in a mediocre society now. I was looking down at those classy little Scottish villages and even cities like Inverness and Saint Andrew, and it looks like I wouldn't mind living isolated there somewhere--like Loch Ness is a beautiful very lonely looking area; Loch Lomond, too--and, yet, the more I think about it, I guess I'd rather be bored in New York City than anywhere else on this BORING planet.

Like how boring is war now? How boring is President Obama getting? You want to hear some dumb boring shit, tune in to the Congressional hearings on Sotomayor's Supreme Court nomination. The Repugnicans will immediately attack this woman--this Spick woman--oh, yeah, Repugnicans see her as an illegal immigrant--she's a Nuyorican, from the Bronx--oh my God--she's got no fucking chance at getting into the Power Elite--the White Boys Power Club, which most of the Supreme Court goons are, like the extremely stupid John Roberts or the outrageously unfair Antone-ny Scalia--or Unka Tom Clarence Thomass--"Is that a cunt hair on my Coke-a-Cola can here, Miss Hill? You been rubbin' my Coke-a-Cola can on your sweet little poony--baby? I'd like for you to meat my Long Dong big black snake...." The longer it drags on it will get, you guessed it, BORING.

In Iraq today, our ambassador was almost offed by a roadside bomb. In Afghanistan, more British have now been killed than were killed in Iraq. We no longer get casualties in terms of US soldier deaths, just like they no longer count Taliban dead. And today it's been revealed that a guy the Uzbeks like (the Uzbeks are a ruthless Central Asian bunch of ancient tribesmen--butchering captives is nothing new to them) and this Afghan military big shot and tribal dictator murdered cruelly over 2,000 Taliban prisoners after G.W. Bush sent our troopers into Afghanistan and this tribal military goon joined us in fighting the Taliban--and this guy is one cruel motherfucker--and they've got film of him bragging about how cruel and ruthless he is--he says when he's insulted he doesn't forget it and he never forgets it and if you've insulted him then you'd better watch out because he's coming back (he was exiled to Turkey when the Afghanis turned on him) and when he does you'd better be ready to be found and to be tortured and to have to watch him rape your wife and daughters in front of you and then kill them in front of you unless you fall down before him with your mouth firmly gripped around his greasy cock, his balls in your hands, and if you bite or squeeze too hard, you're dead, and beg forgiveness, perhaps he'll forgive you or else he'll kill you and your family and your relatives. Yeah, they've got this asshole on film saying this--and, like I said, he was in exile in Turkey--where they love the ruthless--but NOW, just recently, Karsai, our puppet oil man president of Afghanistan (half of it maybe), has called this bastard back and has made him his Army Chief of Staff--all this while this investigation of these Taliban prisoners being cruelly murdered--he put three or four of them in metal containers. These containers were airless and guys began to suffocate and they began to scream and kick and claw against the sides of those airless containers--the lucky ones died from suffocation--the unlucky ones who stayed alive were humanely done away with when the kind and passionate tribal asshole general ordered his soldiers to shoot airholes in those containers with their AKAs. When the trucks carrying these steel containers arrived at the Afghan prison camp run by the US Army, witnesses said those trucks pulled up and the stench was overwhelming--and witnesses said those trucks were dripping with blood and piss and the stench was a mixture of blood, piss, feces, and rotting bodies from the ones who'd died in those steel containers. Aren't you bored with this kind of shit that just continues to go on and on like reruns on commercial teevee or the 24/7 same-0le-same-ole infomercials that run over and over and over and over--how boring is David Orrick and his fucking overpriced vacuum cleaners and air fresheners? Or the Brit dudes with the piece-of-Chinese-made shit plastic chopping devices they're hustling; or the Brit dude selling you those synthetic shammies...I'm bored even writing about this shit.

Those Taliban prisoners who survived that massacre, ironically, were the first prisoners at Guantanamo!

Always keep in mind while you are being bored by all this commercial teevee bullshit, that if these clowns say something is one way, then take the opposite view and you'll have the true view. When President Obama says he wants Africa to take care of itself, he's really saying, the USA is fixing to move their armies into your country and following behind them will come Exxon-Mobil and Royal Dutch Shell to steal all your OIL! That's the boring reason Obama picked Ghana to visit. Ghana, unlike most other African nations, has not totally rejected a proposition for letting We the People's AfriCom Corps--African Command--establish a military base on African soil. The AfriCom is a new US Army command that was established by the Bush presidency. Since Obama has kept most of the Bush warmongers in his Defense, Pentagon, and General Officer Staff, his intentions in Ghana are the establishment of a military base there and access to their recently discovered oil and natural gas fields.

Backwards thinkers think backwards--back to the times of their successes--back to the times when they stole their wealth--laissez-faire thinking--status quo--going nowhere fast--things are fine the way they are--a current Repugnican argument against progress! Bilk the poor; drive down the standard of living; turn the country over to the Global Marketplace and the Free Trade pirates!

BORING. Thus apathy from the bored American people--the dumbasses who while losing their jobs, their homes, while the banks and financial crooks are robbing them blind, still put their hands over their hearts while wearing their little American flags in their lapels while they revere that American flag--and though they don't know the lyrics to the boringly long and boringly worded "Stars-Spangled Banner" they stand during it and then following Christian prayers.... BORING.

I'm listening to the Sotomayor confirmation hearings and this longwinded bore is introducing Sonia the Rican to Congress--bullshit, bullshit, lies, backwards thinking, bullshit--this woman is just a god-damn woman like all American women, a competitor, a ruthless competitor, which she had to be as a Nuyorican woman from the Bronx projects to get where she's gotten today!

You know what I don't like about her--not that she's a Nuyorican; not that she has "courage"; not that she's a "judicial activist"; not that she'll favor minorities and women; not that she's a borderline socialist; but that she's a former criminal prosecutor. I ask you, shouldn't our president chose a Constitutional law expert? Doesn't a criminal prosecutor assume everyone's guilty no matter what their defense is?

I listened to 22 or 3 senators spew out their self-advertisements--their running-for-election all the time--I listened to that Mormon hick or all Mormon hicks, the wacky Oren Hatch! And I listened to big blowhard Senator Charles Schumer from the great State of New York blow a long boring trumpet session promoting himself through Sonia Sotomayor--a stupid speech--a really stupid speech that mentioned the USA as "God's Noble Cause"! Whaaaaaa! What a dicky thing to say--ignorance is such bliss. I got so bored, I never heard Miss Sotomayer's opening speech.


for The Daily Growler

It's time for that second cup of coffee!

1 comment:

Marybeth said...

Go take the ferry to Staten Island man, and drink a beer outside on the upper deck. Sit in the warm breeze looking over the harbor. Get off and look at the fishies in the big tanks in the SI terminal and get back on and have another beer as you cruise back to Manhattan. That'll clear your mind. And it's free. Best free thing to do in NYC. Forget all the horseshit. Smell the salt air of the sea. Watch the seagulls get a free ride (no flapping) across the harbor gliding on the wind currents in the wake of the boat. Watch the sun glinting off the water. Look at the big boats. They have some fucking big assed boats in that harbor. And lots of tugs. And buoys. All sorts of honking and bell ringing. Look at the bridges. Enjoy drinking a beer outdoors in public. See veritable Staten Island natives-- always a hoot. Hear their accents. Relax. You might just find yourself smiling. The ride'll clear your head out. Guaranteed.