Friday, March 29, 2013

Existing in New York City: Our Special Iraq Report

Say Goodbye to: Les Blank, maker of those wonderful films on the Cajuns and the blues and all kinds of Americana stuff. Les Blank, 77, American documentary filmmaker (Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe, Burden of Dreams), bladder cancer.
Say Goodbye to: Roger Ebert, I didn't really dig him as a film critic but, hey, he did co-write the screenplay to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Roger Ebert, 70, American film critic (Chicago Sun-Times, Siskel & Ebert), thyroid cancer.
Say Goodbye to: Daniel Hoffman (see end of post)
Democracy in Iraq
a Special Report from The Daily Growler Special Correspondent, Walter Crackpipe

Ten years in Iraq and we showed those bastards (remember, they tried to murder old Pappy Bush) who's boss.  OK, so 4,800 of our young got sent off to military glory-land; so what?  No big miss in terms of anybody in this country really giving a damn (hey, those boys and girls knew what they were getting into when they joined our glorious armed forces).  Even though we lost more of our own lives in Iraq than died in the World Trade Center military invasion, we still managed to kill 660,000 of those towel-head heathen (this number calculated by an independent source and not our glorious government or the number crunchers in our brave military--some ingrates claim over a million Iraqis died) and drive a couple’a million of ‘em out of the country and into refugee camps.  Our God, the real God, blessed Little Privileged Prick, G.W. Bush, with his vision of a democratic Iraq and his determination to revenge those assholes trying to murder his old sacred Pappy.  OK, so the conniving little asshole lied us into that war.  That’s OK.  He asked God for direction and our God, the real God, gave him that direction.  “Go thy into Iraq and show those heathen sand-n-worders the power of a God-Blessed America who you don’t threaten with weapons of mass destruction whether you have them or not.”  Mission Accomplished!!  You see as a low-life liar Christian all you got’a do is confess to Big Daddy and his Only Son, like, “God, forgive me for lying like the most unholy of dogs,” and, by golly, you’re forgiven and made righteous.
Democracy Brought the Iraqis Fresh Drinking Water
Ten years bringing Iraq democracy.  So what we ravaged that country.  So what we blew up their sewage systems; so what we destroyed their water supplies; so what we dumped dead bodies in their rivers; so what we blew the heathen bastards away with bullets and shells made with depleted uranium (highly radioactive); so what we killed a bunch of innocent women and children?  We brought these unholy creatures democracy and via that democracy we brought them our God, the real God; if they wanna still believe in that silly-ass Allah, so be it, but let ‘em know, if they reject our democracy and our God, the real God, then we’re keeping enough of our brave hero soldiers and Blackwater goons around to send another 660,000 of them to Hell, if our Nobel-Peace-Prize-winning commander-in-chief decides it’s necessary.
 Baghdad Gets Its Own Disneyland Courtesy the Kind Folks of the USA

I certainly feel safer now, don’t you?  I feel safer because I no longer have to worry about one of that USA-supported Sad-damn Hussein’s unmanned aircrafts loaded with weapons of mass destruction sailing into the side of the Empire State Building.  Praise our God’s holy name.

We are perfectly justified by our God, the real God, to go into all the world and convey our message of “do like us or we’ll do it to you.”  As our great privileged aristocrat president, Teddy Roosevelt, said, “Speak softly but carry a big stick,” which is what we do.  We now have our drones that fly in softly but oh what big sticks they carry.  Our God, the real God, gives us the technology to build such wonderful weapons.  Just think, a group of towel-head heathen terrorists gather to plan to kill Americans and feel they’re perfectly safe, until WHAM, we hit ‘em with a drone strike and KABLEWY, we wipe out those god-damned terrorists no matter if most of ‘em might be innocent women and children and grandpas and grandmas.  If you hate the USA, by God, you deserve to die.

Prediction by Crackpipe 
1) I predict there'll be no gun laws of any kind any time soon.  After all, the USA is the largest weapons producer and seller in the whole damn world.
2) I predict we'll one day learn that the CIA (working out of Turkey) started the Syrian conflict...perhaps even using Al-Queda recruits.
3) I predict another financial debacle that will render us all Third World creatures...remember, a part of the NeoCon Manifesto was to drive the dollar down to worthless paper and to wipe out all classes except the lowest class...Paul Wolfowitz is still a free man enjoying a rich and prosperous life.
4) I just read where G.W. Bush is still costing the American dumbasses several hundred million dollars a year, $400,000 alone to run his Dallas office!  A true American jerk hero, eh?  Remember, the dumbass Americans elected this idiot to two NeoCon terms as president.

Hope you're comfy in your soon-to-be foreclosed on homes...has your wife or husband talked about divorce yet?  Have your kids started their assault rifle collections yet?  Like Detroit, your hometown is soon to probably be turned over to an Old Massuh as we revert back to the Old Plantation days in this country.  Get ready to live in a tent and go begging for work of any kind..."Yaasuh, boss, I'll work for company store chits and weevil-riddled flour."

for The Daily Growler 

Say Goodbye to:  Daniel Hoffman


One searches roads receding, endlessly receding, receding.
The other opens all doors with the same key.Simple.

One's quick to wrath, the wronged, the righteous, the wroth
The other loafs by the river, idles and jiggles his line.

One conspired against statues on stilts, in his pocket
The plot that dooms the city. The other's a good son.

One proclaims he aims to put the first aardvark in space.
The other patiently toils, making saddles for horseless headmen.

One exults as he flexes the glees of his body, up-down, up-down.
The other's hawk-kite would sail, would soar--who has tied
it to carrion and bones?

One's a Tom Fool about money--those pockets are his, with the holes.
At his touch, gold reverts to the base living substance.

The other's a genius, his holdings increase by binary fission--
Ownings beget their own earnings, dividend without end.

One clasps in a bundle and keens for the broken ten laws.
The other scratches in Ogham the covenant of a moral pagan.

One with alacrity answers to '121-45-3628?'--'Yes, Sir!'The other
bends his knee, doffs cap, to no man living or dead.One

Does all his doings predetermined by diskette or disc.
The other draws his dreams through the eye of the moon.


Marybeth said...

Because your lover threw wild arms to the sky and the affrighted steed ran on alone, do not weep for war is kind....

(or something like that) Stephen Crane on the Civil War, I think. I guess I could Google this.

Marybeth said...

Thank you for introducing me to Daniel Hoffman. Too bad I discovered him after he died. I do love to go to poetry readings and one of his would have been grand.