Sunday, April 05, 2009

The DG Sunday Funnies With the Jots&Tittles Man

From the Lost-Last Throes of Lake Flaccid, New York, Comes Barabbas ["Son of the Father" in Aramaic, Ye Rabble] Munn-Dayne, The Daily Growler Jots&Tittles Man

"Hey, diddle-diddle, the Jots played the Tittles." I'm in a sparkling mood today. I'm in New York City today all day. While I was passing through Binghamton, I thought I heard gunfire. I did, I found out once I got to Manhattan. Some wild-eyed, ancient-legend-crazed Vietnamese was the shooter, or so said the doorman in the lobby of the building I was visiting. But I felt safe once in Gotham, because later in my hotel room I was watching television about the Binghamton "massacre" (the Virginia Tech Asian outlaw killed more people, if you keep records on such stuff--plus he killed White kids and White teachers; this dude was killing whoever--as one tv talking head said, "One of the people he killed was one of his own kind!" [actually a Chinese gentleman and not one of the shooter's own kind--but that's OK, it's television]. I supposed this woman didn't know the difference between Chinese and Vietnamese--the 'they all look alike' syndrome White people suffer from)...suddenly! from out of nowhere came New York City's shanty Irish/Customs-criminal head cop, Ray Kelly. Ray was assuring New York Citians with some of that serious cop-talk about how safe HE, as in "I am like a god," was making NYC. Hell, he just flat out said he was going to make it "America's Safest City." I'm thinking while listening to him, "Can this public servant just make up rules and laws and shit just out of the foggy grey of his own brain?" "And why would you be doin' that, ye bloody common cop?" he assumed people wanted to know. It turns out our brave little Irish fop trooper has foolishly wasted millions upon millions of the NYC taxpayers's money on putting into motion and certainly evidence this very complicated computerized surveillance system that depends on thousands of high-tech analog surveillance cameras all over Manhattan, starting down at the Battery Tunnel and running all the way up to, as Ray puts it, "almost" 34th Street. Ray put special emphasis on the fact that he was increasing NYPD presence around synagogues, too. We must protect the American Jews at all cost? or all Jews at all cost? I couldn't determine which Jews he's protecting from his flat statement. Potato-Famine Ray said that right now he has about 1,100 cameras up and running and following evil-looking regular-old New Yorkers as well as Al Queda infiltrators and Taliban terrorists every foot of their journey from the Battery Tunnel uptown to at least 34th--I assume if they make it to 35th they've beaten Ray's invincible security network! Another way to beat it is to come in smiling and waving as "good ole boys from friendly Saudi-Arabia." We welcome those Arabs, towels and all, with open-arms, as proven by the 21 Saudis and one Jordanian getting into this country easy as pie, taking control of 4 or 5 airliners, 2 of those making one of history's greatest military attacks by taking down 7 buildings in the World Trade Center, once without a doubt the most prominent if tackiest bunch of nondescript buildings in this city. Osama bin Laden? Sure, they knew who he was; everybody in Saudi Arabia knows who the Bin Ladens are. Why one of them, Prince Bandar Bush, our faux president and his old wobbly Pappy father considered his brother.

Little Lord Ray Kelly says his high-tech cameras are so high tech they can pick up the faces of "toweled headed" infiltrators trying to sneak into Manhattan via the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. So high tech, these cameras can read a face or a license plate or the clothes you're wearing, the brand of cigarettes you're smoking, etc., with pinpoint accuracy. Why they can follow a possible terrorist all the way from the moment he rides his camel through the Battery Tunnel and first appears as an apparition in Manhattan till he gets to his cell and meets and unifies with the terrorist operatives who've already beaten Shanty Irish Ray's invincible system. That area down there in Lower Manhattan is big on Big Chief Ray's security menu because that's where Police Headquarters is, and God knows how many millions upon millions of dollars have been wasted on fortressizing that place of deceit and evil intentions. Besides, can you imagine a crew of pot-bellied desk-shunted ex-street cops and dicks watching 1,100 cameras all running at once, gathering and feeding back thousands of pieces of information every second of every nanaseconded day. "Hey, Clancy, is that a fuckin' towel-head comin' there on that camel out of the Battery Tunnel?" "Where's that, Duffy, me lad?" "Right there, see him? There, on that camel with the Saudi-Arabia license plates." "Oh no, wait a minute, Saudi-Arabian license plates get a free ticket into's here in His Honor, Mister Kelly's Manual of Action, 'Exception 38: "Any vehicle (mainly camel or beat-up rental van) driven by a suspicious-looking Arab/Persian-looking man wearing a towel on his head bearing Saudi-Arabian license plates will be admitted with open arms."'"

Shanty Irish Ray says this camera set up is the same as the Iron Triangle set up that worked so well in saving London from terrorist bombs--whoops, Ray forgot about the buses that were blown up right in the smack-dab middle of that Iron Triangle camera set up. Also, Commie China has ringed Beijing with these "surveillance" cameras--ironically with the help of Henry Kissingassinger's company--you didn't know Henry had a consulting company? You bet Henry gets a lot of We the People's tax monies to help him keep his businesses and his shenanigans afloat.

So while I'm in New York City, I don't have to worry about just-fired Vietnamese gentlemen who don't speak very good English and who just happen to have three assault rifles and a stash of hand guns and a few handgrenades being intent on taking a slew of innocent bystanders with them as they depart the mortal coil by punching out their own legend-choked tickets. Chief Ray's got his cameras on. He can follow a gnat with those cameras. Just think of the cops running such an elaborate and cost-overrun boondoggle. All that money, Ray says, comes from Homeland Security. Oh now I really feel secure. Name Obama's head of Homeland Security? I can't, but I assume it's a worthless military goon and former Bill Clinton Administration, and therefore probably in Pappy Bush's Administration, too, asskisser.

In one of my dinner's with Lake Flaccid's most famous resident, Cecil the Dog-faced Boy III, I asked Cecil if there was a dog-man conflict in his character, in his habits, you know. "Yes," he said. "Constantly. Like, I prefer drinking my water out of the toilet bowl. It's an urge I can't control. And I have bottled water brought in to me daily from Manichean Springs and normally, and certainly in polite society, drink like a man...." "Yes, Cecil, you served that delicious water in these exquisite water goblets...." "Those are from Princess Monique of Bulgaria's private crystal collection. It's from my dad's estate. If you look closely you'll see a small etched image of a dog just under that gold royal crest." "Wow, yeah, I'll be damned, there it is, a mutt's head...oops, sorry, Cecil." "That's OK. I love slang, though I'm prone not to use it personally. There's something much more witty about using dogisms rather than MAN-nerisms." Hey, I cracked up over Cecil's wry rendering of man-dog humor. "But, yes, don't you think it's quaint that I do occasionally rush into my elaborate bathroom and just like a pooch, or a mutt, as you would say, start lapping up that toilet water. Of course, I flush it down afore I arch my back and dive my head into that cool porcelin bowl and lap that cool refreshing rather tangy water--lapping it up with much snarling glee."

My interview-with-Cecil notes are growing by leaps and bounds. Soon my book-length manuscript will be ready to start coordinating, arranging, indexing--400 pages of the conflict between man and dog--is Cecil his own best friend? I'm curious about such things.

Our own thegrowlingwolf, though yes he is a human-animal hybrid (through stem-cell research), he looks like a man and not at all like a wolf. Cecil, however, so resembles a dog, he has to wear a sack over his head. In the end of the third chapter of my interview book I discussed the removal of the sack so I can see just exactly what Cecil the Dog-faced Boy III looks like. So far in all my dinners and conversations with him, he's never removed his bag, or sack, or whatever you want to call it--hood? Like the Elephant Man--same sort of self-consciousness--though surely Cecil the Dog-faced Boy III isn't a freak. He's not monstrous, or at least his home, its furnishing, his clothes, his cuisine, his wine couldn't be the particular tastes of a monster.
Some Jots & Tittles
--Here's a hint for diabetics: green or oolong tea; 2 teaspoons of cinnamon; 40-80 grams of fiber; some cumin; and several thousand units of Vitamin D daily.

--How about old nonregulating Larry Summers pocketing millions of hedge fund handouts? President Obama sure knows how to pick those ex-Clinton criminals.

--Joe Borden of the Philadelphia Phillies, formerly the Philadelphia Pearls, pitched the 1st no hitter in baseball in July 1875 [where's marvelousmarvbackbiter these days? Hiding out; too ashamed to be either a Yankees or a Mets fan? How embarrassing that they are calling the new Yankee Stadium "the house that George built"? Shouldn't it be "the house the citizens of New York City built." Where are you Marvelous Marv?].

--Did you know your muscles help your heart pump blood to your brain? Your leg muscles determine how much blood your brain gets.

--New company advertising big-time on tv: TD Ameritrade. (Does TD stand for "toxic debentures"?)

--Ever heard of this woman?
Octavia Butler


      Gives shape to the light
      As light
      Shapes the darkness.
      Gives shape to life
      As life
      Shapes death.
      The universe
      And God
      Share this wholeness,
      Defining the other.
      Gives shape to the universe
      As the universe
      Shapes God.

FROM Memories of Other Worlds
By Taylor Franklin Bankole

I have read that the period of upheaval that journalists have begun to refer to as "the Apocalypse" or more commonly, more bitterly, "the Pox" lasted from 2015 through 2030-a decade and a half of chaos. This is untrue. The Pox has been a much longer torment. It began well before 2015, perhaps even before the turn of the millennium. It has not ended.

I have also read that the Pox was caused by accidentally coinciding climatic, economic, and sociological crises. It would be more honest to say that the Pox was caused by our own refusal to deal with obvious problems in those areas. We caused the problems: then we sat and watched as they grew into crises. I have heard people deny this, but I was born in 1970. I have seen enough to know that it is true. I have watched education become more a privilege of the rich than the basic necessity that it must be if civilized society is to survive. I have watched as convenience, profit, and inertia excused greater and more dangerous environmental degradation. I have watched poverty, hunger, and disease become inevitable for more and more people.

Read more here:

--Did anyone watch The Psychic Twins on Tyra Banks?
"The Twins at Work"
Sallie: "I feel a great tension in our client's life...a tension that seems to be due to a tragic event that has recently happened...I see the initials 'U G'...."

Callie: "I hate to disagree with you, Sallie, but I think our client is hiding something from us, a tragic event in which he's holding onto sinful remembrances...."

Sallie: "Yes! Callie, you are right. DISGUSTING remembrances! Our client...hold on, I'm getting a message...our client has BROKEN THE LAW!"

Client: "Whoaaa, just a minute, Girls. What the hell do you mean I've broken the law?...what law?"

Callie: "What law? I'll tell you what law. I deduce that the initials 'U G' stand for 'UNDERAGE GIRLS'!"

Sallie: "Absolutely brilliant, Callie, absolutely brilliant. Of course, our client is trafficking in 'underage girl' prostitutes! Shocking!"

Client: "What the fuck are you two hoaxing crows talking about?"

Callie: "We're saying, Mr. Wiseguy, that you are a pedophile, a dirty, filthy, death-deserving pedophile. You stalk after and drool over and lust after innocent little precious girls, our innocent little sisters, you bastard. You, sir, are a PERVERT!"

Client: "Oh yeah, well then come here you cornball cow of a babe and I'll show you what kind of women I can handle and it ain't Girl Scouts either. I don't want a little girl; I'm an adult with an adult's penis that's so big it only fits Holland Tunnels like you two you, Callie, you little schoolgirl, come here and I'll show you adult action...."

Suddenly one of the Tyra Show guards shoots the Client dead.

Tyra: "Well, folks, that's it for today's show. We had to shoot the pervert--good job, BarnNerd, and ladies, BarnNerd, my main security man, is SEEEEN-GULL, girls! What a man, right, girl friends?"

--Benny Hinn the tinhorn preacher says there will be a terrible tragic event happening this year--God spoke to him and told him this--and Bro Benny said God was hinting that maybe it would be a NUCLEAR WAR. You know all the Power Elite Massuhs crave to see a nuclear war! Remember in the old days, the Power Elite used to go watch wars! Hot damn, WAR, WAR, WAR, WAR, and a puny country like North Korea is now going to be able to shoot a nuclear-warheaded missle "almost" to San Francisco, though the North Koreans aimed their tomato-can missile launch last night at Japan--and we know how the Koreans all love the Japanese so dearly! The rocket launch of course was a fizzler, the same as their last attempt was an even worse fizzler, but still we of the Free World (you don't hear that term anymore) are still supposed to be scared shitless of North Korea's nuclear-attack potential. We don't ask where did a starving country like North Korea get the technology, the materials, the engineering, etc., to fire a satellite into orbit? Where did they get their nuclear capabilities? I'll bet if you check deep enough into Donald Rumsfeld's and Unka Dick Cheney's evil backgrounds you'll find out who sold North Korea such world-devastating information and equipment.

--In 2009, AIG Insurance paid out 235 million in bonuses to execs and there is great protest. In 2008, Wall Street paid out 32 billion in bonuses and there was no protest at all, just a continuing of handing them over billions of We the People's money to spend as they see fit.

--A criticism of a book by Barbara Cartland, "Very terribly written."

for The Sunday Daily Growler


Language said...

Well now, old Joe pitched the first no-hitter in a professional game; there must have been no-hitters in the decades before the 1870s, but I don't know if anybody paid attention. The fact is, though, that hardly anybody noticed them in the early years of the major leagues either -- they didn't get mentioned in newspaper stories, and we have to figure them out from the box scores. Apparently it was only after 1910 that people started to get excited about them; you can read about it here.

Language said...

Man, Sabathia's looking terrible. Sorry about that. But I'm a happy camper - the Mets won!

The Daily Growler said...

Our man marvelousmarvbackbiter wrote a glorious put down piece of both the Yankees and the Mets and the stupid moves they've made over the past couple of years. The question was two years ago, why fuck up something that really wasn't anymore fucked up then than it is now--meaning why fire Joe Torre and Willie Randolph? They came up with worst seasons with Girardi and Manuel--the Yankees for the first time in many a moon not even close to be in the playoffs--and the Mets, same team, new manager, again ended up the Year-End goats...

Unfortunately, we accidentally erased marvelousmarv's splendid effort--them's the breaks.

The Daily Growler