Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Get Rich Quick!

The Daily Growler Stock Advisory Board Report
The Daily Growler Stock Advisory Board consists of our own front-line reporter Walter Crackpipe; world renown money launderer Col. Fred Schmear; wild-eyed, fiercely competitive, economic-ruin investor Tim Sunk; the amazing wonderman of the North Nicholas St. Claus; the late Oswald Spengler; and the Kansas female flash Sara Batatatatababa.

Mr. Crackpipe: First of all, let me begin by giving youse guys a little taste of Economics 001 (kindergarten economics). All economists are soothsayers. Economics ain't no science. Economics is simply a bunch of finance management majors sitting in front of monitors crunching numbers empirically into statistics (charts, graphs, PowerPoint presentations)--and that word empirical is so important to the study of Economics 001. Always think backwards, my guru in life taught me--like that's progressive empiricism, see the current Gestalt of things and then go backwards from it--oh shit, am I touting deconstructionism? I scream in horror, though what I'm saying is very Gestalt, very Kurt and Helen Wolfian, Alfred Perlean, except I'm stepping out of the slush of the socioeconomic side of the current USA economic mud wallow--made by the greedy hogs of the Global Marketplace--and now those mixed metaphor chickens are coming home to roost--oh shit, I need a slug of good Scotch right now--a jigger or two of whatever you got over there at The Daily Growler inner-office bar--Johnny Walker Black is it, huh, OK, better make that 3 shots--er-ah, I'm clearing my throat, talkin' economics renders me up phlegm...but, back to the topic, Economics 001 teaches us--and this is part of the "looking backwards" process--that the USA is in a very serious current economic crisis that relates back to those jazz-age days at the end of the 1920s when the speculators were rolling in the dough (based on a land boom in Florida some of that jazz age hoopla)--and that it is true, folks, no matter what the lyin' son of a bitch little spoiled rich brat (never-worked-a-day in his life) never-honestly-elected "president" is babbling about it being just up and down like it's normally been "ever since I been wrecking the businesses handed to me on a silver platter by my old pappy's influential friends, especially the Bin Laden family of The Democratic Kingdom of Saudi Arabia--er-ah, 'scuse me, folks, I think I hear God callin' me into my prayer room." I mock our leader, of course, but my point is, all government issued statistics are LIES. You heard me. All labor statistics, GNP figures, Federal Reserve predictions--are lies--WHY?, you are screaming in revolt, and I answer, BECAUSE they are shaded in favor of the political side of the economy--Huey Newton said, everything is politics even the food we eat, and Huey hit the nail on the head before he was mysteriously gunned down one night on the street where he lived (the FBI (J. Edgar "The Crossdresser" Hoover) and the CIA (Allen Dullass--Ronnie Reagan Airport in the District of Corruption used to be Dulles Airport after Allen not John) at the height of the anti-Vietnam War protests said they would get all those black/white protesters even if it took twenty years--I'll leave it to you to check and see what has happened to most of those beautifully revolutionary-wanting dudes from that generation--you'll find, like Huey, they're mostly dead and gone now. Anyway, Huey was right about everything being politics, and economics as it is practiced today is certainly politics first and science dead last. Economics is a measuring device. The principles of Economics are based on certain philosophers of old's natural laws of wealth, most principles coming out of the empirical studies of Brit economists like the rugged Scotsmen Hume and Ricardo--oh, it's very boring--there are good books that explain it better than I--and a good book currently going around...I'm jumping ahead of myself, a common practice of mine no matter my disguise.

Anyway, the USA's problem can be seen in the GNP. Manufacturing used to be the leading indicator in figuring up the GNP. Now manufacturing in the good old USA amounts to only 12% of the GNP. What leads the GNP now? Why FINANCE! The USA's economy is based on FINANCE now--the financial shenanigans of the Global Financial Industry--led by the banks of the world--led by the hedge funds--led by the private investment pools--led by the pension fund managers--being more and more controlled by the undemocratically appointed Federal Reserve Board....

Tim Sunk: Jesus Christ, Crackpipe, get to your friggin' point--we live in a debt economy brought on by this finance industry...Jesus.

Walter Crackpipe: I forgot my watch. Time is meaningless to me anyway. Damn Tim, you shot ahead and scored a goal on me--yes, yes, of course, yes, Tim, I was getting to the debt. I was just going around what's-his-name's barn--hey, look at it like it's a learning experience, maybe a learning to comprehend experience.

Nicholas St. Claus: I know one thing, the price of toys is sky-highing right now--and if it weren't for the cheap, though deadly poisonous, toys coming out of The Capitalist Republic of China, my elves and me'd be begging for jobs at our local Wal-Mart, which by the bye, if I may put in a plug for my investment newsletter, Northern Polarity--"We're poles apart from the rest of them"--don't you gentlemen love that tagline--slogan, whatever the hell you want to call it?--but anyway, Wal-Mart is a highly recommended stock in my newsletter. I just thought I'd drop that down your chimneys.

Tim Sunk: Jesus, the babblers around here. Aren't any of you phonies concise? At least Huey Newton hit the nail on the head. You idiots are pounding the hell out of thin air with your ineffective hammerings.

Walter Crackpipe: OK, boys, let's sober up...er-ah, I mean, let's get serious here. Here we go, serious shit. USA after WWII: sittin' pretty. High up in the world's catbird seat. Oil. That's what won WWI and WWII for us. Why? Because the USA was the largest producer of oil in the world at that time. We had control of our own oil production. Then came Henry Kissinger, that prick, and he negotiated the Petro dollar deals where the price of world oil would be based on the US buck--or vice versa, too--the US buck became based on world oil. This was back in the Nixon era. That was fine for us in them thar days, but then, empiricists began to see something that is now referred to as "peak oil." Economics 001 would teach you that economies are created off a supply of products based on the demand for those products, either domestically produced products or products we have to import. Everything's fine in this economy as long as the supply meets the demand. The smaller the supply the higher the price--and then think backwards and you'll see the opposite. The better mousetrap theory comes into the picture around in here.

Tim Sunk: You're drifting again, Walter.

Walter Crackpipe: OK, OK. The stupid ass worthless War in Iraq, a war to cover US oil demands--well hell, folks, it's like this, peak oil means there's a point where oil production will peak out--which means the supply of oil will NOT be able to meet the continually advancing demand (three billions of new middle-classes arising energy hungry in China and India, all demanding cars and air-conditioned and oil heated homes and the luxuries once limited to within the borders of the Mountain of Gold, the good ole used-to-be USA). 'Nuff said. The Iraq War was a war for oil and like most of our war blunders over the past 50 years, the cost of this failed folly is devastating on our economy--the War being the Bush-Bin Laden (oil-based-wealth) Families's Folly--well, I'll tell you the cost: 340% of the USA GDP is DEBT. With the finance industry dominating our economy the private sector debt becoming much more important than government debt--the government can print more and more paper dollars to cover its tremendous debt--inflation that's called--and it's part of the Neo-Con dogma--to drive the US dollar down to worthlessness and thereby reduce the US economy to Third World thereby leveling the Global Marketplace playing field for the true players, the world's wealthiest human beings.

Tim Sunk: You look tired and sweaty, Walter. Chill out.

Madame Sara Batatatatababa: I've held my peace while you male idiots were chirping along merrily like a crazed schizophrenic in a problem-solution situation. In a debt economy....

Col. Fred Schmear: May I ask where you, odd-looking lady, are from?

Madame Sara Batatatatababa: I assume because I look "foreign" to you, you putz, I must be an illegal alien, right? Well, for your information, I was born and raised in Liberal, Kansas, and my father was a builder of ancient aircraft--so there, you ignorant asshole...excuse my Amurican English...but, my point is that if you're in a debt economy, then you're in trouble big-time. Credit. It's a ruse and it's worked for the lending and credit companies and the banks and the insurance companies and in the USA this debt economy is moving our factories to other countries and is moving our overall debt to other countries and outsourcing our jobs to low-wage workers societies, like India and China, and who the hell is going to pay this 50 trillion dollars in private debt?

Walter Crackpipe: Kevin Phillips, remember his ass?...he's been a rabble-rousing rightwinger who now claims he's suddenly seen a progressive lightbulb go off in his head so he's selling his wares now, his new book is called Bad Money, to progressives. Which brings me to another peeve of mine. Who the hell buys Kevin Phillips's books and actually reads them? Who reads these books that are coming off the press a mile-a-minute? Like sweet little progressive Amy Goodman and her damn brother have a new book out--they had one out last year--and they get these book tours--Kevin Phillips is on his book tour now--and they fly all over the USA--wow, what a life, and, yes, I'm jealous as hell.

Madame Sara Babatatatababa: And jealousy and greed are the problem with those fools who have gained power over us all, whether we're illegal immigrants or good ole apple-pie eatin' white Amuricans like the true unwashed millions in this country.

Col. Fred Schmear: Love it or leave it, I say.

Kevin Phillips (thegrowlingwolf wearing a Kevin Phillips mask): The sharks in the pool, I call them. 1) Finance dominates us. 2) Fifty trillion dollar private debt, that includes credit card debt. 3) Collapse of home prices--a further 15-t0-20% decline is predicted. 4) Global commodity inflation. Prices of grains, oil, whatever's going through the greenhouse roof.
5) Lousy economic statistics. 6) Price of oil. Predictions are that oil will go up to $150 to $200 a barrel before the year is out! 7) "The idiocy in Iraq." 8) The US dollar on the ropes. Hedge funds are looking at commodities instead of dollars. Peak oil means that as the price of oil goes up, the worth of the US dollar goes down--since Henry Kissinger made our dollars "petro dollars."

Walter Crackpipe: Hey, I like that as a wrap. Let's go to McRiley's Dead Lamb and the drinks are on The Growler.

The Daily Growler: We do not encourage the use of alcohol as a savior--however, we don't believe in God either, so let's have a drink! Why be sober at so drunk a time in the world as this?

GET RICH QUICK. The Daily Growler Stock Advisory
Hey nonny-nonny, big Daddy corporation Monsanto is posting the highest earnings ever thanks to the world food crisis, a lot of which is being brought on by Monsanto's criminal practice of patenting its biogenetically developed seeds then signing farmers up under contracts to use Monsanto seeds exclusively or face fines imposed on farmers by their own investigating and enforcement force--blah, blah, blah, then the Feds pass a law that says you have to use these patented seeds which you have to rebuy every planting season since these are unlike organic (heritage) seeds which can be cleaned and recycled over and over for 100s of years by the farmers themselves--in this country the Farmer's Seed Coops were developed throughout farming country--then seeds were produced by local seed mills and then sold by local seed and feed stores (Monsanto controls the livestock feed industry, too, now, by the bye). Monsanto's goal has been for years control of the world's food supply through its patented genetically altered seeds. Monsanto also makes big buck profits from its RBGH, artificially made bovine growth hormone, which when ingested into dairy cows ups milk production by 20% in some cases. A lot of independent diary farmers are now producing milk they are labeling as being Non-RBGH milk and Monsanto is pissed off and suing like a motherfucker because it says putting such a statement on a milk carton is saying that Monsanto's RBGHs are dangerous--unfair says Monsanto. RBGHs are dangerous, of course, as are a lot of products Monsanto has given us over the years: like PCBs and Dioxin, two of the deadliest toxic chemicals ever on earth. In a report last night on PBS, a docudrama showed how poisoned and polluted the mighty Hudson River still is since gladhanding, dumbass New York State Governor Nelson Rockefeller proclaimed in 1972 that the river would be perfectly clean in 8 years, or some wild-ass prediction like that from PCBs. It was mainly General Electric (they own NBC so you're not going to hear any of this in the commercial media) plants on the Hudson that dumped the most PCBs into the Hudson for 70 years and then when Raygun Reagan (he did give us the Superfund) and his EPA ordered GE to clean up those PCBs in '72, they refused--recently, GE was asked to pay for a new dredging of the Hudson--PCBs being heavier than water sink to the Hudson bottom and embed themselves in the mud--at the points where GE dumped the PCBs original, and GE refused--our corporations love us, they really do--and their mess as well as other messes on the upper Hudson are still polluting that famed waterway like crazy.

Most people, especially New York Citians, are unaware, too, that the largest oil spill in the USA is under Brooklyn, New York, a leak from an Exxon-Mobil oil storage tank eruption that happened due to rust out 50 years ago and is still seeping-leaking oil out into New Town Creek, the most polluted waterway in the USA--which is flushing the oil out into the East River, which then flushes the oil all the way out into New York Harbor where on incoming tide it is then flushed back up into the Hudson River--the oil sheen from this oil spill is now visible from satellites as contaminating all the waters surrounding Manhattan Island. Exxon-Mobil refuses to even make an effort to clean this spill up.

Anyway, recommended stock buys:

Monsanto (formerly Monsanto Chemical, but they're trying hard to lose that image)
Archer-Daniels-Midland (the "Super Market to the World")

We are still highly recommending all WAR stocks:
Exxon-Mobil (even higher profits this year than last year's world-record-breaking profits)
Senor Slim's Telefono del Mexico (his Mexican telephone company is a monopoly)
KRB (formerly Kellogg, Root, Brown--all originally drilling companies)(KRB just turned in its highest profits ever--70 million in profits off its rewarding contract with the USA in Iraq where KRB, formerly a branch of Halliburton of Dubai, serves our troops contaminated water and food and get away with it. The WAR in Iraq has been very good to KRB)

You wanna get rich and have no morals against it like our world's richest MEN, then WAR stocks and now World-Food-Crisis stocks are the way to go for you--your sure way to GET RICH QUICK.

And remember, folks--a better day's a comin'. Unka Dick and the puppets up whose asses he has his old gnarly hand are still trumpeting blowin' Iran back to the Stone Age. Remember, folks, WAR has been our solution to all our economic problems since Roosevelt and the New Deal ended the Great Depression with World War II--the New Deal didn't fix it, but the Military Industrial Complex did. If we stopped producing military weapons and goods and such today, our economy would tank. We're stuck with a WAR economy--and when you back off from it, our WAR economy depends on OIL for its POWER.

for The Daily Growler

1 comment:

Marybeth said...

A playful play about the world players playing their cards for control of the way the human play plays itself out, while I'm playing my trumpet, Nero style, and none of the sane ones will get enough air-play. Everything I know about economics I've learned from the Daily Growler. (That's not really true. I'm just playing with you.)

Back in the old days Dow Chemical had a ad that consisted of a photograph of a perfect orange, partially pealed open, with an ingredients list that filled the rest of the page: H2O (water), C6H8O6 (ascorbic acid), etc. and the tag "Without Chemicals Life itself would be impossible". I guess even that was too highbrow for the average idiot and now the Chemical giants are changing their names to fool the dummies another way. It is all so sickening. The sad thing is that these idiot, in flushing the world down the drain, are taking all of us with them, including the tigers and the wolves and the sea turtles and all the other guys I like so well.