Sunday, April 23, 2006

Praise Ye, the Lard

Holy, Holy, Holy
Believe, ye fools; believe, believe, believe.

The word "lie" is the center of the word "believe."

All of what all of us BELIEVE are lies. Did you KNOW that, brothers and sisters?

That preacher, priest, rabbi, rector, prelate, whatever title of reverence you wanna give the dude (they are mostly men and have been since religions were invented) is basing his teachings, sermons, bulls, whatever, on LIES.

The dah Vinci Code -- total unadultrated bullshit. There is not enough evidence that Jesus or Mary Magdeline ever existed, if any, so who the hell KNOWs--and certainly what you don't KNOW you can't BELIEVE.

The poor Christians have only one reference to Jesus ever and that is in the works of Flavius Josephus, an aristocrat Sadducee (son of Zadok) who wrote a history of his exploits that was published in Rome in 90 AD.

Here is Flavius Josephus "writing" (I will qualify the quotations marks after the quote) about ho Cristos:

About this time there lived Jesus, a wise man, if indeed one ought to call him a man. For he was one who performed surprising deeds and was a teacher of such people as accept the truth gladly. He won over many Jews and many of the Greeks. He was the Messiah. And when, upon the accusation of the principal men among us, Pilate had condemned him to a cross, those who had first come to love him did not cease. He appeared to them spending a third day restored to life, for the prophets of God had foretold these things and a thousand other marvels about him. And the tribe of the Christians, so called after him, has still to this day not disappeared.

from the Jewish Antiquities

(Based on the translation of Louis H. Feldman, The Loeb Classical Library.)


I put quotes around "writing" because there are certain parts of this account (see the passages in italics) that are said to have been added by Christian copiers years later. We assume Josephus wrote in Latin. Since the Greeks dug Jesus's tale better than anybody, can't we assume it was Christian copiers who copied it from Latin to Greek? (koine Greek)

The vouted and vaunted Apostle Paul was a Greek from Antioch. He worked for the Romans as a special prosecutor and persecuter of criminals, the insane (unless they were Roman dignitaries, Judean royalty, or Jewish Caliphs), troublemakers in general, but especially the political troublemakers, revolters, outlaws, and false prophets. I beLIEve I heard mention that the Good Paul actually may have tossed some stones at Jesus since his main job at the time, the reason he was in Judea, was persecuting the followers of this Nazarene dude. "Stoning" was a good way of punishing a lawbreaker, especially a whore, an adulterer or adulteress, or a rabblerousing anti-orthodox bearded Jewish hippy dude who wore sandals and sheets, lived an Essene style of life-- with a lot of living and praying in the desert, an Essene essential; in fact, an essential for a lot of Judean beLIEvers. Stoning is universal in human history. Especially in areas where there are a hell of a lot of rocks, like New England, say around Salem, Massachusetts, where they have big stones, too ("Hey, Pilgrim, instead of rocking this bitch, let's lay one of them thar big stones on her chest; if she can survive that, hell, I'll worship her." "Good idea, Thou of great faith," saith the accuser, preacher, prosecutor, preacher, and executioner, preacher).

Now, I refer you back to the italicized portions of the above Flavius Josephus passage. These are purported to be the additions the Christians (especially the Byzantine monks) made when copying it. The big question is why would an aristrocratic Sadducee turned Pharisee beLIEve Jesus was the Messiah? Scholars say his mention of Jesus was in a discussion of Pontius Pilate's dilemma of whether this guy was just an innocent crazy or whether he was "King of the Jews" as he claimed, or at least according to the board the Roman assholes nailed up on his cross in jest. Josephus doesn't mention this King of the Jews shit, he merely mentions the trial and that maybe Jesus was simply an innocent kook. Josephus then passes back into the revelation of his own glory--Hell, he convinced the Roman General Vespasian he was the Messiah.

Where the Messiah bullshit comes from: "...a star shall come out of Jacob, and a scepter shall rise out of Israel; it shall crush the forehead of Moab and break down all the sons of Sheth...." Old Testament Book of Fables, Numbers 24:17-19
The Moabites were a people who lived in the highlands east of the Dead Sea in what is now Jordan. The Moab language as spoken and written, as shown in the Moab Stone, is almost identical to Hebrew.

Sheth, according to the biblical legends, was the third son of Adam and Eve, the son Jehovah gave this first couple to screw (like the animals all around them in the Garden of Eden--in the Tigres-Euphrates Valley, by the bye) because of their loss of their precious son Abel who was murdered by his brother Cain ("raisin' Cain). Sheth is the same as Seth. Seth was also an Egyptian god, said to be the uncle of Horus.

A Little Additional Info on Flavius Josephus
He was born Joseph ben Mattias in Jerusalem in 37 AD. Like I said, he was born an aristocratic Sadducee (a Judaic sect along with the Essenes and the Pharisees), though later he changed his beLIEfs so he'd be viewed as a Pharisee, the Sadducees not being well liked by the other Judaic sects.

In 64AD, Joe Mattias went to Rome to approach the Emperor Nero to beg the release of some priests who had been arrested in Judea and sent to Rome for imprisonment. Joe was successful and sailed back to Jerusalem a year or so later only to find the Jewish Revolt against the Romans had begun.

Joe then became General Joe Mattias and was sent to Galilee to join forces with the raggedy, hippy-like John of Gischala and his peasant forces to stand against an attack by the Roman armies under Vespasian.

General Joe and John of Gischala were surrounded by the Romans at Jotapata, put under siege and, BAM, Joe and John found themselves in a lose/lose situation. The tale is that the Jewish forces hid in a cave and decided one of them should kill all the others and then kill himself [what a stupid story]. General Joe won the lottery, but instead of killing everybody and himself, he surrendered to Vespasian. When he was brought in before Vespasian and his son Titus expecting to be horsewhipped and certainly crucified, he wisely began spouting the Messiah statement from Numbers. Not in declaring himself for Jesus, but rather convincing Vespasian, who had aspirations for the laurel crown back in Rome, HE WAS THAT MESSIAH (ho Cristos) mentioned in the Jewish holy book. It worked. Hot damn. Vespasian was pleased that Joe had declared him the Messiah of the Jews.

In the meantime, back in Rome, Nero committed suicide, the next guy was lynched, and then a couple of general dudes, one named Otho, began bickering and clawing for the crown when Vespasian came to town, routed 'em all, and made his son, Titus, the emperor.

While Vespasian had General Joe in prison, Joe became best friends with Titus; they were the same age. So when Vespasian took over Rome, he made Joe Mattias, Flavius Josephus, and made him a citizen of Rome. Praise the Lard! Flavius Josephus was Vespasian's translator when he later took over Jerusalem and destroyed the Temple. [Christians now are all yelling, "Praise the Lard," to the high heavens.] Anyway, because of this, old Flav was considered a traitor to the Jewish Revolt and therefore a traitor to all Jewish people.

Back in Rome, Flav lived a splendid life of comfort backed by a rich Roman. In his leisure, he began writing his big tome, his history of the Jews--though mainly a book trumpeting his own exploits, feats, and adventures. After his patron died, we lose track of Flavius Josephus and must presume he died right after his big book was published in 90AD. It is reported by the bestseller lists of the times that Flav's book didn't sell at all and probably wasn't read at all, except when discovered in the archives by the Christian researchers.
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Have a happy Sunday...and remember...Keep BeLIEving.
from The Daily Growler

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