Sunday, May 25, 2008

Decoration Day

Car Racing, an Almost Pure Honky Sport
Today, we and all the little Growlers sat around watching car racing--and truck racing. We marveled at the fascination for watching a gaggle of souped up machines that once resembled automobiles race (35 and 40 of them packed on a rather narrow oval/banked mile-and-a-half race track) and jockey-for-positions and swerve and lose control and crash and burn then put these races under yellow flag conditions for several interruptive times during a race--a morbid fascination that seems to mostly be held by yokels, rubes, hicks, hillbillies, white trashers, trailer-camp survivors, Holy Roller types, old moonshiners's sons and daughters, down-and-out auto mechanics, and fabby, gold-coated-lucky rich bastards, like ex-pro football coaches or the owner of a U-Haul business who became a successful racing sponsor or the same for the guy who invented STP (Studebaker Truck Products), a gasoline additive that was supposed to give you more miles to the gallon--but then who said it was supposed to work--it did work to make Andy Granatelli rich and car-racing famous. Oh sure there were tons of wretched wrecks all afternoon--at least 3 of the commercial channels had car racing running all day today from Formula 1s to MODIFIED stock cars (that's a joke) to small trucks (and the trucks (Toyota trucks dominated the truck race we watched) plough over muddy dirt tracks with humps throughout the course, humps that these tinny pieces-of-shit trucks hump up over, flying in the air (the rubes love that) to come down helter-skelter, banging into other trucks, ripping off fenders, whacking off doors, in some instances leaving an iron-bar skeleton of a truck still racing like goons for one of those huge purses these big-corps-sponsors put up--the winner of today's Indy 500, a New Zealander rich boy, won 12 million bucks, biggest purse ever in car racing--plus there was excitement in the air, the Indianapolis 500 was returned to prime-time status after the race car drivers themselves turned on the Indianapolis Race Track moons ago and moved the Memorial Day 500 to a track in Michigan, leaving Indianapolis as a practice track for spoiled-brat rich South American kids to learn how to wreck expensive race cars on--these cars are really made pretty cheaply except for the motors, which survive most wrecks no matter how fiery and colossally brutal the wreck may look--motors are easily rebuilt--as are the car bodies, too--they are made of special materials that disintegrate during a crash, though the chassis aren't really warped that much--really, these rich bastards wouldn't wreck several cars per race if it didn't pay off in millions for them--wrecks bring in more big-buck sponsors--and these inbred drivers who become the stars of the business are most of them sons and now daughters of wacky hillbilly car nuts, like the Foyts, the Pettys, the Unsers (mechanics and car body repairmen)--or like the Andretti Family, hillbilly car nuts out of the Appalachian Mountains around Nazareth, Pennsylvania; take the Petty Family--dad Petty (Lee Petty) was killed in a fiery crash at one of the first Daytona 500s, his son and his son carry on to this day trying to out-die their old daddy--Richard has since retired after a really horrible crash put him out of business--the Daytona, Florida, beach was originally the Daytona race track--the ex-bootlegger hillbillies from Gawjah, swampy northern Florida, the Carolinas, from pure white Alabama brought their souped up stock rods (they used them to haul moonshine during their regular jobs as moonshiners) to that beach and tore hell out of it--I mean Daytona is steeped in deep hillbilly car racing history--why you don't see many black drivers in car racing--you can count the number of black race car drivers over the past 55 years of NASCAR racing on the fingers of half-a-one-hand. The Rupert Fox Australian/American teevee network has car racing on at night now. There's nothin' inspires a hillbilly like a car wreck.

What US Soldiers Are Dying For in Iraq and Afghanistan
Lee makes a lot more than a goofball US soldier. We Amuricans love old patriotic Lee.
Good Ole Lee Raymond showing you what's most important to him & The Exxon-Mobil Board.
Chevron CEO Dave O'Reilly--he made 37 million last year; One of Dave's air-polluting refineries. Chevron is big time in Burma; Nigeria; Indonesia. Chevron owns Texaco now, too.
Chevron gas flares are killing kids in Nigeria & Brit Petroleum's CEO Lord Fop John Brown.
We are winning the War with Iraq--look at all those threatening dead Iraqis, those bastards!
It's been worth it, folks. There have not been anymore Al Queda attacks on the USA since our brave, though AWOL, commander in chief took us into this face-saving and Amurican-life-saving God-ordered War. Praise the Lard our Mighty God--oh, I'm sorry, OIL is our God, isn't it?

Hey, Buddy, we here at The Daily Growler are headin' for hillbilly heaven and some dag-gummit good car racin'--"We bet they's a lott'a wrecks today--heh-heh--look, that chick's drivin' in today's race--we'll bet she wrecks early--wonder if'n any of 'um u'll git kilt today? Hot damn we hope so."

for The Daily Growler
Our war heroes return to a Hero's Welcome! Better them dead than us forced to be Muslems.
Praise the Holy Lard and pass us some of them black-eyed peas and hamhocks overhere, please.

Speaking of the Dead, Keeping Up With the New York Yankees
Turns out Hank Steinbrenner knows more about baseball pitchers than amazin' new manager Joe Girardi--Jabo Chamberlain will be a starting pitcher now. The Yankees give up the best closing combo in baseball to try and win some games. They've won 5 in a row now, but the Toronto Blue Jays have won 4 in a row and the RedSox 3 in a row. What a close division!!!
American League
American League East
Tampa Bay3020.600-19-811-1221-122-36-37-3W 3
Boston3122.585½21-510-178-1112-58-67-3L 3
Toronto2725.519414-1113-147-1014-74-77-3W 4
N.Y. Yankees2525.500514-1211-1312-127-116-06-4W 5
Baltimore2425.49014-710-189-125-48-84-6L 5

It's goodbye Willie as manager of the Mets. He's dead in the water. They'll hire some has-been who's available--Willie was fucked from the beginning again by a general manager who thinks he knows more about baseball than Willie Randolph. Yep, folks, after two rather amazin' seasons, Willie's been shot down by those forces who demand winning at all costs--which means Willie's replacement will do not better than he did--may as well give Frank Robinson another go at it. The Mets are solid-born losers--always have been except for that phenomenal 1969 season.

1 comment:

Marybeth said...

By the bye, you must know that your good friend Charles Ives wrote a piece called "Decoration Day", about self-same day, with trumpet playing taps, etc.